Losing you ; Joel Miller

xviii. She has your eyes

[2023]
EDEN

     " Oh fuck- is that his?!"

     Eden's heart plummeted when she saw Joel realise, his eyes filling with an emotion she couldn't exactly pinpoint, was it betrayal? Pain? Anger? Sorrow? She held onto Ada tightly, hushing softly while she bounced the baby on her hip, her gaze never leaving his.

     " Ellie, leave." Joel's voice was unwavering, cold, it made Eden feel nauseous. The teen scampered away, probably feeling like she had created the tension. She hadn't.

     " Joel-" he stepped closer, eyes turning soft and filled with emotion, a stark contrast from mere seconds ago. " Is- Is she?" He asked softly, looking down at her with tears in his eyes. She nodded, lower lip quivering as she gained enough courage to move closer to him. Ada had stopped crying, her large eyes staring up at Joel in curiosity. " Hi" he said softly, voice breaking as he gently touched Ada's cheek with the back of his pointer finger.

     " She has your eyes" Eden cooed, meeting his gaze. Joel let out a sad laugh, agreeing as he let Ada hold onto his pinky, the girl let out a squeal of delight. " Are you happy to meet dada, Ada?" The blonde smiled through her tears as she witnessed Joel bond with his daughter. " Ada?" His voice was softer than a whisper, meeting her eyes when she nodded. " D-do you like it?"

     " I love it." He admitted, trying to keep his emotions at bay. " Ada Miller..." Eden whispered out, leaning against his chest. Joel let out a soft sob, pressing his face into the top of her head as his body wracked with small cries. Eden placed the infant back in her crib, moving to pull Joel closer. " Sarah always wanted a little sister" his voice broke, hands fisting into her shirt.

Eden had noticed his busted up knuckles, noticed Tess' missing presence, how he arrived at her doorstep with a teenage girl without any explanation. She probably would've gotten one if the "you have a 7 month old daughter" ball hadn't dropped so quickly. It was a lot to process, she had 9 months and still felt like it wasn't enough time.

" You're exhausted, my love, let me take care of you" she stated gently, moving his figure around to the bed. Standing in front of him, she wiped his tears and held his hands. " I'll make a bed for Ellie, make sure the kids get fed, and then I'll come to bed, ok? But you need to sleep" Joel sighed, collecting himself " I'm sorry baby, it's just-" she silenced him with a soft kiss, their first one in months. " You don't have to apologise, and you can explain tomorrow, now, you rest."

" shhhh baby girl, don't wanna wake up your mama" Eden's eyes fluttered open, sleep clouding her mind as she watched Joel cradle Ada while the little girl cooed, thumb stroking over her dark brown curls.

     " She's happy your here" Eden mumbled out, a soft smile on her lips, Joel looked up, cheeks wet with tears. " M'sorry for wakin' you, sugar, thought you deserved a good night sleep" Eden felt her chest expand with adoration, heart fluttering at the gesture. He was right, she hadn't had a full night sleep since Ada was born. " Eden?" Joel's voice sounded small, when he looked up at her she saw that his eyes were filled with fear. " I'm terrified" he admitted " I never thought I'd be a father again... after Sarah- I-"

     Eden shifted to the end of the bed, taking her hand in his. " I don't want to fail again" he croaked out, gaze moving back to the tiny human in his embrace. Eden blinked back her tears, she couldn't even imagine how much pain he was in. " I was so scared when I found out I was pregnant" Eden said softly " I had never wanted to bring a child into this world, and I was... alone" she reluctantly admitted the last part, not wanting Joel to blame himself.

     " I'm so sorry I wasn't there with you" Joel apologised quietly, eyes filled with regret. " I can't imagine how hard it was, I don't think I'll ever forgive myself for making you go through that alone" Eden sighed, worrying her lip " It's not your fault Joel, you didn't even know" her hand cupped his cheek, fingers smoothing over the patchy facial hair she adored. " And you're here now, that's all that matters."

     " I love you so much" Joel leaned into her hand, eyes closing as he relished in her touch. She sniffled with a smile " I love you too" they sat in silence for a minute until Eden noticed the sleeping baby in Joel's arms.

     " Hey, look, you made the little one fall asleep" she whispered in awe. The two adult stood up together, moving silently towards Ada's crib, Eden watching as Joel gently placed their sleeping daughter down before wrapping his arms around her waist and pulling them to bed.

     " I promise, you'll never be alone again."

Honey is typing...
Bittersweet chapter for you guys, enjoy the fluff while you have it :> nothing nice lasts forever

fyi! I'm dyslexic and shit at proof reading so I apologise if there are mistakes and stuff :') I'll be editing the book sometime in the future when I have time