Behave Yourself

I just wish he didn't say that

Chapter 40

Sunday, 12:00 pm

In the bunker

Katie's POV

Dad: But that's not the point, Katelyn! The point is that you keep on acting like this, and I don't know what to do anymore! I've tried everything to get you to behave yourself, and nothing works! You just keep choosing to be disrespectful, disobedient, rude, stubborn, inconsiderate-

Katie: You're saying all this because I didn't take out the trash?!

Dad: No! I'm saying all this because maybe telling you, straight forward, how you act is gonna make you change something about it! I'm so sick of having these conversations, that are basically arguments, about your behavior! Katelyn Grace, I love you, but it is time for you to change something about the way you act!

I'm not sure how this argument started, but I do know that Dad and I have both had a really bad day. I don't know why. We just didn't have a good day, today. And I think we're taking our anger out on each other. Like he keeps telling me not to do. What a fucking hypocrite.

Katie: I'm trying! Ok?! I'm fucking trying, Dad! Do you think it's easy to change, when I have you breathing down my fucking back all the time?! It's not! You're always telling me about my behavior and how you don't like the way I act! And I'm trying my best to change, but you-

Dad: Your best?! This is your best?! If this is your best, then you're gonna be completely fucked in life!

Katie: I'm so sorry that my best isn't up to your standards! I'm fucking trying!

Dad: Not hard enough!

Katie: Yeah, because that's something that I needed to hear from you, after everything I've been going through! I totally needed you to tell me that I'm not trying hard enough! It's hard enough trying not to hurt myself! I don't need you telling me that I'm not trying as hard as I should be!

Dad: What are you going through, Katelyn?! Honestly! What's so bad in your life, that you just can't take it anymore?!

I wish I could tell him about the razor of his that I found, after he took mine and hid the rest of his. But now doesn't seem like the right time to tell him about that. I've been cutting again, but I don't think I should tell him right now. When Dad gets this mad, he tends to use things against you. Maybe it's not intentional. Maybe it is. I don't know. But I'm not telling him about this. At least, not right now. I'm not gonna tell him, just yet, that I'm trying hard enough just to stay alive.

Katie: Stuff that you wouldn't understand! So why bother telling you, when you won't even try to understand?!

Dad: Do you have any idea of the shit I've seen?! The shit I've done?! Try me! What are you going through, that you can't even tell me?!

Katie: Don't act like you care, now! Now that you've started a whole fucking screaming match with me!

Dad: I started this?! Let's backtrack! You walked in to the kitchen, already in a pissy mood, for God knows why! I asked you to take out the trash, and you said you didn't feel like it! I said that that was fine, as long as it got taken out at some point in the day! Then, you violently screamed that you didn't wanna take out the trash, and that you wanted to be left the fuck alone!