Behave Yourself

Panic Attack

Chapter 44

Wednesday, 7:42 am

In the bunker

Sam's POV

I think I'm gonna give Katie a break, today. She's ahead in her school work anyway, so a break wouldn't hurt anything. She needs time to rest. She's going through a lot, and she needs time to relax. I just found out that she's been cutting again. I'm not sure she ever stopped. Katie's never been good with feelings, and because of that, she's taking her feelings out on herself. I can't let her keep doing that. She's my daughter. I want her to be happy. She's obviously not been very happy. I don't know what to do about this. I'm glad that she talked to me about it, but I don't know what to do now. She's asleep, next to me, because I didn't wanna leave her alone last night. I don't think she wanted to be alone. She's been asleep since around 9, last night. While she's still asleep, I'm gonna go make coffee and maybe breakfast. I carefully get out of bed, then leave the room and go to the kitchen, where I find Dean, making breakfast.

Sam: Mornin.

Dean: Mornin. How's Katie?

Sam: She's alright. She's asleep.

Dean: Did she tell you why she...you know?

Sam: Yeah. We talked about it. She's been getting more and more anxious lately, and she doesn't know how to deal with it. She's also not good at handling her feelings. So with anxiety, being as bad as hers is, and not knowing how to deal with emotions, it lead to her cutting herself. Our fight didn't make her feel any better, and that makes me feel even more like shit than I already did.

Dean: It's not your fault. It's not her fault, either. It's nobody's fault. But you, as her father, as the main person she feels safe with, have to help her through this. I'll be here for her, too, but she doesn't see me how she sees you. I'm not her Dad. I'm not able to comfort her the way you do. I can do everything that you do for her, and she wouldn't feel the same about it. It wouldn't be the same to her. Because I'm not you. You're the only person that she really feels safe around. So you're the main person that she needs, especially right now.

Sam: I wanna be here for her, especially for this. I just don't know how. What am I supposed to do? What am I supposed to say, other than "I'm here for you"? How can I be here for her, if I don't know how?

Dean: You just be here. She'll tell you what she needs. She might not know how to handle emotions, but she's always been decent with communicating. She'll tell you what she needs from you. You just have to listen. And obviously keep an eye on her. More than you normally would.

Sam: I wanna give her choices on stuff like this, Man. Like, we're gonna be watching her like hawks and she's not gonna like that. She's gonna be upset that she didn't get a say, but this is for her own well being.

Dean: She won't like it, but it'll keep her from hurting herself again. If she knows that she's being watched, she most likely won't try anything.