Lost One

17

❝SHANTEY❞

               Her mother requesting to meet with her and her only living maternal sister was heavy on her brain and the one major thing keeping her up at night for the past five days. Like at the two-in-the-morning moment, Shantey was pacing her bare feet along the deep-charcoal wood floor, rocking a boyfriend lounge shirt and boyfriend boxer shorts in her state-of-the-art master bedroom biting her right thumbnail, with her right hand holding her phone and anxiously tapping her phone to her thigh. She thought for a second before tossing her phone on the bed and leaving her bedroom.

               Quickly walking down the hallway, Shantey knocked on the open door to another bedroom as she peaked in. Laying in the bed with the wall-headboard was Amanda and her son Kareem. She walked in to Amanda side, sitting in a space next to her sleeping body before shaking her lightly to wake her. "Ams," She whispered.

               Shifting in her sleep, Amanda heard the whisper and start to wake up. She blinked her eyes open and turned her head to where her best friend. "Hey. What's going on, Ledé?"

               "I'm...feeling like relapsing." Shantey revealed and that instantly woke Amanda fully. She jumped out the bed, careful not to wake her son before dragging her best friend out to the kitchen. She hit on the light switch and gestured for her to sit down. Shantey settled in a creme white leather island chair and Amanda went into the full walk-in pantry to grab Chips Ahoy.

               Shantey watched her open the fresh pack and slid it across the white marble top island. She pulled one out, biting into the crunchy cookie. Amanda allowed her to savor the sweet taste before finally commenting on what was said in her room. "Okay, explain to me why you feel that way?"

               "I didn't tell you about the other day at the festival." Shantey exhaled, eating the last of the cookie in her hand. "Mo called me before my performance that day and told me Tania wants to meet up and talk to me and her."

               Amanda quickly grabbed a cookie, putting the whole thing in her mouth and chewing in a fast pace. "If anyone knows how much of a trigger she is for me; it's you." Shantey continued. "I started to call the pilot and tell him to get the jet fueled up to take me to Tulsa so I could meet up with—"

               Amanda lifted her hand, stopping her sentence. "Don't say that man's name." She exhaled deeply, "But you told me. So, you're fighting what your body's tricking you into wanting. You're stronger mentally. Stay that way. Do you think you're actually going to meet with her?"

               Shantey swallowed. "I really don't know. Just by the thought of that happening has me wanting to relapse. Just the thought of her. I'm so fucking stupid and weak."

               "No, you're not." Amanda responded quickly. "You're only four months clean off some heavy drug combinations and you could've just left here in the middle of the night and went straight there. But instead, you're in here with me talking about it. You're far from weak, Ledé. Give yourself credit."

               Shantey sunk in a breath, exhaling deeply as her hand pulled through her blonde hair. "Part of me is cussing myself out right now for even telling you."

               "That's just your lower self. But you'll beat that." Amanda believed, "Forget bout Tania and focus on what's in front of you today. Don't you have the counseling session today?"