Lost One

49

❝SHANTEY❞

"𝙳𝙾𝙽'𝚃 𝚈𝙾𝚄 𝙻𝙾𝙾𝙺 𝙶𝙾𝚁𝙶𝙴𝙾𝚄𝚂," She flatters, over a Zoom call, donning a Palms Angel Headless Bear tee and leggings; her curls falling gracefully, sitting on the room's cream sofa. The screen was the brown sugar skinned beauty sitting in her home office.

"I can say the same thing about you," Dr. Alex's smile was bright.

"Sorry for calling you a day before the holiday," she apologizes.

"Oh nonsense," The counselor offered a soft dismissive wave, "You just gave me a big reason to step away from my loud family." She chuckles with her client, "What's going on? I don't see Mr. Booker. This alone business?"

"Yeahh, my personal issue. I won't keep you long."

"Okay, hit me."

"The other day, my sister mentioned that I was a runner," Shantey launches, "I run from my traumas, my husband, and the biggest one of them all, my Mother. She's always been the heaviest pain for me."

"When you do think of your Mother, what's the first thing that comes to your mind?" Dr. Alex asked.

"Bully." Shantey chuckles, "Just the thought of her wanting to meet with me and my sister to talk made me want to relapse."

The counselor brows lifted slightly. "That's a huge control to have over someone."

"Huge," Shantey agreed. "But that's what bullies do—they have control, they intimidate; even if it's bouta be three years since seeing the person. She was the first person that's ever verbally abused me. Shit, she was the first person I could never stand up to."

"And how did you deal with that bully?"

"I didn't. . I put thousands of miles between us. While still taking care of her." She exhales a deep breath, "I wanted your opinion on if you think it's a good idea that I meet with her?"

"Well, that's a decision I can't actually make for you because she was your bully." Dr. Alex replies, "But her being your first verbal abuser explains why you allow your husband to do it. Although your mother was your bully, you clearly still respect her. You respect her so much you don't know how to speak up for yourself. Your feelings get hurt and you shut down because that's what was instilled in you to do at just a young age, and only with selective people. You're gonna have to face her cause she wants to talk, right?"

Shantey nods and her counselor continues, "Face your bully, then knock out the next. It'll be a domino effect. The more you run and hide, the longer that bully has control over you. Escape that chokehold, or you'll forever be afraid. You'll forever wanna relapse. Even if she wants to meet to verbal abuse you more, don't stay silent. Take it in, say your peace, and move on. You ever heard the saying, "Forgiving a person isn't for them; it's for you,"? It's fine to still have love for your Mother. But she always relied on you. You think she still doesn't know her daughter's taken care of her? A Mother knows their child. It's gonna come a day where you have to cut the umbilical cord. But would that give you relief or break your heart?"