MR. CHRIST

♱ 01 • haunted darkness

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Storm
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Abuse.

It comes in many forms.

'Don't be blind' they say. It's hard not to be when the signs are covered and once they're revealed, it's too late. You don't know until it happens until it's said, until it's done.

It's especially hard when a child is involved. A parent is supposed to be the light shining helping their daughters avoid the darkness hidden in men and vice versa.

Not be that darkness.

My daughter's father decided to be the darkness, the pitch black covered the signs and my father was never the flashlight shining to make those signs visible for me.

When he did it was far too late.

It's like being in the woods with no light to guide you down the right path.

Except that 'path' is life.

Traveling down the path to avoid the predators itching to taste human blood- human sadness, is hard when you're alone and unheard...

My mother never cared to guide me- I assume it's because I'm not her biological daughter.

My parents had a surrogate because my dad wanted a child and my mom didn't want to mess up her beloved skinny body. Now she's a chubby 50-year-old white woman full of wrinkles and doesn't look a day over 70.

Her Karen demeanor doesn't help either.

Imagine being a little black girl, a fully black girl, with a white mother walking around clowning your people at just 7 years old. But when they call her racist she pulls the, 'I'm not racist I have a black daughter... and husband' card.

When I was 17 and she would say out-of-pocket shit I would tell her dad isn't home because he's tired of her old white ass. I know my dad was still messing with the woman that carried me.

Rose, the woman who carried me, isn't considered my mom tho, more like a cool aunt.

She's in prison now for attempted murder.

I also know my mom wanted so badly to call me the word every time I brought up my dad's affair.

She always said 'You'll get your karma.' Instead.

I did.

Although My father never taught me how a man is supposed to treat me, when he was around he adored me and showered me with everything a little girl could ever want.

From the best Barbies at 5 to the best car at 16... and so much more after.

Until he went to prison as well.

When he was home I felt loved every time he came walking through the doors, and disappointing my dad is something I always shied away from... until I got pregnant at 18.

My father didn't speak to me until the last 3 months of my pregnancy. He would still take care of me and my baby financially tho.