MR. CHRIST

♱ 13 • where is dada?

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Storm
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Having my arms wrapped around Seth he pecks my lips a few times, "I'll be back when I drop Star off," I giggle in between kisses. We had to come to our job for a meeting and he couldn't keep his hands off of me.

Ally was in that meeting too.

She was staring daggers into me when Seth leaned over to kiss me.

Star is extremely late to school because my dumbass forgot to bring her clothes over Aura's house and she couldn't fit Avy. So while at the office I had to get her ready, "mommy I'm all done," she says walking out of Seth bathroom connected to his office.

"Good job," I hold down my hand for a high five seeing she put her shirt on correctly and without my help, "you're getting so big," she high fives my hand and I look at Seth with his hand still out for a high five as well.

"Can I get one too," he asks bending down and it warms my heart seeing how sweet he is with her. She high fives him and he brings her into a hug, "have a good day at school, okay?"

"Okay," Star responds returning the hug before grabbing my hand, "bye bye," she waves before we walk out of the door and I grab her hand walking to the elevator.

How is it possible to love someone so much. Everything she does I'm amazed by it, all she did was put her shirt on correctly and I know I'm going to be talking about it for weeks.

As soon as me make it to the lobby Star tugs on my hand before we walk out of the building, "mommy," looking down at her she looks worried. Which worries me because she was just all smiles. Bending down I get down to her level, "what's wrong pumpkin," I ask now holding both of her hands as she plays with the rings on my fingers.

She's definitely nervous.

"Where is dada?"

The question I've been beating my self up for an answer to. They don't tell you how hard it is to be a mom after being in an abuse relationship, how draining it is to depart a father daughter relationship to save that daughter.

I think I found the right answer. It isn't a lie, and with time she will get a better understanding of it.

"Daddy is sick," I look at her eyes pleading for an deeper explanation, "and he's been sick for a really... really long time. I didn't want to tell you when we left because I didn't know how to tell you, but I just want you to know mommy tried to help daddy get better but I couldn't."

"So we go back when he's better," she asks with a head tilt.

The disappointment in her eyes rips through me and that failure creeps inside of me again. I could say I wish all day long, but she's here and she's my responsibility. I don't want her to grow up and hate me for taking her away from her father.

"It's not that easy pumpkin, he isn't going to get better anytime soon. that's why it's my job to make sure you don't get around that sickness because it isn't curable," I rub the top of her hands continuing, "but I promise you I will never get that sick. Mommy wouldn't leave you."

She hugs me and I sigh into it. I love my kid more than anything in this word.

She's kept me from so many suicidal thoughts.