MR. CHRIST

♱ 02 • gives me relief

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Storm
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Escaping.

Dominic always makes sure to leave 'marks of reminder.' I guess to remind me not to say or do what I did. I judge myself knowing there are people out there judging me for being with him. I constantly ask myself...

What the hell am I supposed to do? And how do I do it?

My mind was clouded, my mind is clouded, I genuinely believed he changed up until Star's birthday dinner, it was almost 5 years of me believing he wouldn't hurt me again.

He promised, and I was stupid to believe the infamous line of all abusers.

I can't, no, I won't take it anymore.

I walk up to the front door of my mother's house letting the cold breeze hit my hot wounds. Feels good. I hesitate on knocking knowing no matter what I say Dominic can do no wrong to her, she can't save me from him, she wouldn't save me from him.

She's supposed to be my escape out of this, but if I even thought about taking Star and running right now I would be dead by the time I make it down the street.

I need the perfect timing. I feel it's never going to come because of the eyes glued to me and my child. If it's not Dominic it's his people, if it's not his people it's my mother.

This is why I need my dad right now. He's out of prison, well he should be, and if he is that's my way out. My greatest protector.

I don't have his phone number, but I know my mom does, that's probably why I came here. She and Dominic both know my dad will do anything to protect me, and I know it scares them.

"Oh gosh! Storm," my mom lets out an implausible gasp, "your face," she drags while reaching to place her wrinkled hands on my face and I nearly yell, "No," while shaking and jerking my head back, "don't touch me," my tone lowers unwillingly. I'm hoarse.

Trying to look over her I make sure Star is nowhere to be seen.

The most common misconception is kids aren't smart enough to realize what's going on. The main part that eats me up about that is my daughter will know what her dad does to me if I continue to stay, but at the same time if I leave will she hate me? I hate my overanalyzing mind.

My dad, Rhode, doesn't do anything wrong in my eyes, and if Star thinks the way I do then the possibility of me being the best mom I can be lowers. Dominic drains me and I'm trying my best not to let that interfere with my little girl.

It's so hard.

My dad is the only person besides my daughter who I love. He told me to wait for him... I've waited years and although I have nothing to my name I can't go on like this. Star is my everything, and I want her to be able to have what she wants and more. Dominic does that now, but what if one day he hits me in front of her?

My dad was practically a single parent, making money the best way he could- that's why he joined a biker gang. He made sure I went to sleep every night with food in my stomach. When I was 17 he told me he even donated sperm to a sperm bank so I could get the dress I wanted for pre-k father daughter dance, I still giggle thinking about it.