Meori Apeuda

Chapter 8

"The boys and I...we...we are not only a simple group of friends," he began. "We're a K-Pop Group, called 'Stray Kids'. You heard right before, it was me on the radio. And Hyunjin. The song is called 'Red Lights', from our latest album Noeasy."

He rattled off those pieces of information as if he wanted to get them out as quickly as possible. Just like a bandaid that you rip off fast, so it'll hurt less. I sat across from him, my back to the ocean and just stared at him, open mouthed. A K-Pop Group? What? This could only be some kind of joke...?

But Chan's face was dead serious, when he continued. "You asked me before, how bad it would be, that you're not really here on vacation. Well...We're neither. I mean...In the broadest sense you could say that we're on holiday, but then again not really.

Producing and promoting the last album was stressful and quite exhausting. We worked Day and Night and went to and above our limits, me especially. I stayed at the company every day, working on tracks and schedules for hours, hardly sleeping for weeks. " His voice became smaller and smaller.

"One night I was still up at around 5 am, working at the studio, trying desperately to make some tracks, but I couldn't. Usually my mind is flooded with ideas, with rhythms, with melodies. But now? Nothing. Total silence. I had been awake for over 24 hours at that time.

I remember that I got up to get me a cup of water and the next thing I remember is that I was lying on the studio floor, Han and our manager bent over me, shaking me by my shoulders, trying to wake me up. I was lucky that they found me, it really was just a coincidence.

Han had come to look after me because I hadn't come home and he wanted to bring me something to eat. My chest felt as if an elephant was sitting on it, I felt like I couldn't breathe properly and I really thought I was dying."

My heart clenched at his words, I felt overwhelming sympathy and worries for him. I remembered a documentary on K-Pop I had once watched and that it was an extremely hard business, with a lot of competition. The artists were expected to go to their limits and still show their best smile to the public like all the time. No wonder he had collapsed.

Chan sighed and I turned my attention back to him. He seemed lost in thought, maybe reliving that horrible moment in his studio.

"They called an ambulance and I was brought to the hospital. They found a minor inflammation of the heart muscle, nothing lethal but it could become a problem if I wouldn't be cautious. Additionally the psychiatrist of the hospital examined me, diagnosing a Burn Out, which could have been the cause of the inflammation.

Our Big Boss, Mr. Park visited me in hospital and told me that he would send me on hiatus, for my own good. Because he's known me for over eight years now and knows that "take it slow" and "not too much" doesn't really exist for me. So he took precautions and sent me on a forced break.

But the problems just started there. Normally, when a member has to go on hiatus, the rest of the group continues as if nothing happened and covers the missing one as well as they can until he or she returns." He sighed heavily and rubbed his face with both hands.

"When Mr. Park went to the others to tell them about me, Han had a complete mental breakdown. The guys told me he fell to his knees, just screaming and crying, yelling that he couldn't do it without me, that he'd rather...

You have to know, Han was the first member I chose for this group. He suffers from extreme social anxiety, and I always made sure to protect him from as much stress as possible and calm him down before he had a panic attack or something like that."

Well that explained how he could assess my moods so well and calm me down so quickly. He had experience through Han.

Chan continued: "The thought of going out there, on stage, on fan events etc. without me sent him over the edge. After a week of discussions, making and re-making plans a decision was made: All of us should go on hiatus, covering it as an 'artistic break' to have time to write more songs.