Meori Apeuda

Chapter 36

I felt the mattress move and suddenly felt Chan's arm around my waist. He had laid down again behind me and pulled me against his body. What was he doing? Hadn't he listened to what I had just told him? I was tainted...

He kissed my shoulder once and buried his face in my hair. "Are you tensing up because of me or because you're on edge because of your story?" he murmured, his thumb stroking lazily across my belly button. I swallowed a few times, trying to get rid of the knot in my throat. "I...I just..." I sighed and closed my eyes.

"I just didn't think you'd want to touch me again after I told you what I have done..." I whispered. Chan froze, his hand still on my belly, his lips on my shoulder. Then he hauled himself up on his elbow and turned me onto my back. I tried to turn my face away, too ashamed to face him, but he wouldn't have it. He cupped my cheek in his hand and turned my face to him.

"K, please look at me...?" I squeezed my eyes shut and shook my head a little. He sighed and caressed my cheek. "Kaylee, you did NOTHING. Do you hear me, babygirl? This was NEVER your fault. It's the fault of these bastards and only theirs. Don't you dare blame it on yourself..."

He sounded angrier and got louder with every word and I instinctively pulled my shoulders up and lifted my hand to protect my face. I couldn't help it, it was programmed too deep into my soul. Chan paused and I felt him exhaling sharply.

"I'm so sorry babygirl...sorry, sorry, sorry...please forgive me. I really didn't want to scare you..." he whispered and covered the hand and arm I had lifted with little kisses. I relaxed and slowly lowered my arm. His face looked so troubled, his eyes sad and full of self-reproach again. I couldn't bear to see him like that. I lifted my hand and started caressing his cheek. He quickly turned his head and planted a kiss in the palm of my hand.

I smiled shyly and he mirrored my smile. Then he laid back again and opened his arms invitingly. I closed the distance between us and snuggled against him. He closed his arms around me, like a protective cage and kissed the top of my head.

Moments of silence passed, then he asked: "How did you end up here of all places...?" I sighed and began drawing little circles on his naked chest with my index finger, trying to distract me.

"Cara took me home with her, as she promised. She stuck me into a hot tub, cooked spaghetti aglio e olio for us and lent me her clothes. When it was time to go to sleep she tucked me into her bed and covered me till the tip of my nose, kissed me on the forehead and rolled up on the couch in the bedroom.

That night I had my first nightmare with Brent..." I murmured, my voice getting quieter with the last words. I shrugged my shoulders, never stopping to draw silly forms on his chest with my fingertip.

"I think it was because I finally escaped the real life nightmare, that my brain suddenly started to cope with it. However, I remember waking up screaming on the top of my lungs, and Cara was there, holding me in her arms, consoling me, whispering that she knew what was going on and that it was okay. I cried for hours that night, until I passed out from exhaustion I think. Cara never left me. She stayed with me the whole night, holding me.

When you think I'm attentive now, it's nothing against my behaviour the first time after fleeing from Brent. I would check the whole apartment every time we came home, flinch every time the telephone rang, imagine him around every corner, looking constantly over my shoulder when I was outside. It's exhausting, I can tell you.

After about four months of nothing happening, no sign of him anywhere, I started a Job in a small Bistro, in a different district, further away from Brent's apartment. I wanted to provide for Caras Rent and the food. She never asked me too, but starting to work also made me feel like I was finally taking my life in my own hands, you know?" I felt him nodding and he pressed another kiss on the top of my head.