Bad Timing | Satoru Gojo | Toji Fushiguro | Jujutsu Kaisen

Chapter 33

Nothing but the sound of the pouring rain was surrounding us. Even my breathing couldn't be heard among the loud pitter patter of the water and the strong wind that came gusting between us. I shivered, and wrapped my arms around my wet body. My hair was already sticking to my arms and my clothes were soaked to my skin. But I felt like I wasn't really shivering from the cold as much as of anger and disgust.

"You'll get sick..." He murmured, finally talking. His eyes looked like they were dreading something. Something he probably knew was coming. Not only him, but even from the way Shoko looked at me back there, she knew it too.

I shook my head quickly then looked away. Seeing him and hearing his worry for me was only confusing me even more. Because I was angry with him, I was upset with him, yet, I wanted to just run and bury my fucked up body between his arms and never let go.

"Ania..." his voice suddenly got louder. Not because he was shouting at me, but because it got hard to hear among the noise of the harsh rainstorm approaching us.

I shook my head again, then finally glanced at him. "What were you thinking?" I shouted back. Satoru looked confused for a second, but didn't say anything and only waited for me to say what else I had to say.

"Do you even love me?" I felt like I wanted to laugh at how silly and whiney that question sounded out of my lips.

"Of course! Please, Ania, don't do this again! Don't jump into conclusions..."

"What fucking conclusions! What the fuck are you talking about? It's right fucking there..." I pointed my hand behind him, at the building. "It's been there, or here, right in front of me this whole goddamn time..." I shouted louder and walked two steps towards him, so my face could become the center of his view. "It's right in front of you, too!"

"Ania..." his voice broke then I watched him gulp.

"All that bullshit you were saying to me about fate. All that love shit you convinced me and probably convinced yourself with? It's nothing more than what it already is, bullshit!"

Uncontrollably, I shoved him backward. My hands pressing over his soaked shirt then I fisted them as I clutched into it.

"You don't love me..." I whispered again, realizing it more than stating it. "You were, and still, looking for him! You weren't looking for me!" I nodded, now my voice cracking harder than the skies above as a quick flash happened around us. "You said it yourself once, Satoru, you were searching... for him. And you were searching for him in me! Trying to force something out of nothing to happen..."

"Please, let's just go in..." He reached for my shoulder but I only shrugged him off. His touch on me was the last thing I wanted or needed right now.

"I was such an idiot for not realizing it much sooner. A big fucking idiot!" I scoffed at myself then looked sideways. At the small pools of rain that were gathering around us. And I felt my mind still couldn't believe or grasp what was happening. Everything kept piling up since last week, and it felt to me from now on it would only get uglier and much more heavier...

After a long silence between us, I glanced back at him. He was looking at the ground between us. As if giving up, and he had nothing to say or do to defend himself. To defend the love that I thought we had, the love he fucking promised me with. The love he made me form towards him...

"Until an hour ago..." I started talking, my voice too calm compared to the boiling blood surging through my veins and the mayhem inside my head. "I was feeling kind of grateful for you, Satoru. Because of all the things I went through and the choices I made, I felt grateful because I really thought it all happened for a reason! It hurt me, broke me, but I thought that I finally won something good in my life that was worth it all..."