TW// death, numb feelings, suicidal thoughts/attempt
Based on a true story (my story)
"Your aunt passed away," Siyoung was woken with the news. At this point, his mind had gone into overdrive. It had started with his friend's mom. He grew up in their house and knew his mom personally so when she died, it hurt. Next was a friend from his class's father and then another classmate's father. He had been close to both of them. The list kept getting longer. Now, it was his aunt but at this point, he felt nothing anymore. He was completely numb.
His friends had noticed as he withdrew into his shell and became a robot, going through the motions of the day in a mechanical way but they didn't know what was wrong or how to help him.
Time passed and Siyoung's list got longer and longer. He started thinking negatively. Who's next? Will I be next? Should I speed up the process?
One day, as he and his friends were walking the park, he sat down and wouldn't move. His friends tried to understand why but they had no idea. Finally, Lien leaned down and picked him up. "I'll take him back home," he said. "You guys finish your walk."
Siyoung seemed to be asleep as he lay limp in Lien's arms, until they reached the bridge. Siyoung suddenly jumped down and ran for the edge. After a second of shock, Lien ran after him.
Other people grabbed Siyoung as he struggled against them to jump. Lien grabbed him from them and pinned him down, hugging him to his chest. "Talk to me," he whispered in Siyoung's ear. " Tell me what's going on." Siyoung just started crying but he did stop struggling.
The two sat there for a while, getting strange looks from passerby but ignoring them. When Siyoung had calmed down a little bit, Lien stood up and led them home. Everyone else was already there, having returned from their walk. "Where were you?" Dongpyo asked. Lien shook his head and led Siyoung to his room. Siyoung curled up on his bed and stayed there, drained of energy. Not long after, a knock came at the door. Junhyuck peeked his head in. "Can I come in?" he asked. Lien invited him in and patted the spot next to him. "What's going on?" Junhyuck questioned.
"I wish I knew," Lien responded. "I was carrying him home and when we got to the bridge, he jumped out of my arms and tried to jump over the side. He tried to kill himself!" Lien started crying now that he no longer needed to be strong for Siyoung. He was traumatized and scared for his little brother. Junhyuck wrapped him in a hug. "Go take a rest. I'll take care of it from here."
Lien slowly walked to his own room and lay down, crying himself to sleep. Junhyuck sat at the edge of Siyoung's bed and started rubbing his back. Slowly, Siyoung came out from under his blanket and curled up in Junhyuck's arms. The two cuddled together for an hour before Siyoung finally spoke. "Help me Hyung!"
Junhyuck nodded his head. "I'm here," he said. "I'll always be here." Siyoung held him tighter and slowly fell asleep in his arms.
As the days went on, everyone made sure that he was never alone. they talked to him, held him, and comforted him. Junhyuck meanwhile, started looking for a therapist, not just for Siyoung but for all of them. They could all use one. Pretty soon he came across a highly qualified therapist named Kim Hongjoong. Siyoung started going to therapy as did everyone else. Dongpyo was always the most excited to go which lifted the mood for everyone else. Very slowly, Siyoung came out of his fog and got past his suicidal thoughts. He was given tools to properly mourn those he lost and to move on in a healthy way.
A year to the day he had attempted suicide, the group went on a trip to celebrate how far they had all come but especially Siyoung. He was happy again. The old sparkle had returned to his eyes. He was going to be ok, more than ok. He was going to be the best he had been in a while.
A/N The only parts of this story that did not actually happen to me is attempted suicide. I did not attempt or even seriously consider it at all. I did wonder if I would be the next to die but never seriously considered speeding up the process. I am also doing a lot better now. It's been a few months since anyone has died so even though I lost over 50 people in my life in the span of about 2 years, I've had a bit of time to process and grieve. I wrote this story from my experience while I was still going through it. At the time it felt like every other day someone I knew died. I lost my aunt, uncle, and cousin all in one month right before I wrote this. Rest in peace Aunt Nancy, Uncle Larry, and Cousin Sharie.
