My Sister's Bestfriend (ON HOLD)

XVII - A Life Without

SUPER MAJOR TIME JUMP

(I'm so sorry for being a lazy author, I lost inspiration hehe.)

Shane

It's been a year and a half since nakilala ko si Evan. Mabait sya. Sinasamahan nya ko kung saan ako magpunta. Madalas nya rin ako yayain makipagdate. At sobrang genuine ng pakikitungo nya sakin. Madalas ko naiisip, "Ito, ito sana yung deserve ko."

Pero tuwing maiisip kong mag-move forward, or i-step up kung ano mang meron kami, mukha ni Justine yung nakikita ko.

For years, pinangarap ko si Justine. Naalala ko pa na sinusulat ko yung pangalan naming magkatabi. O kaya yung sinusulat ko yung pangalan ko at apelyido nya. Kaya sobrang saya ko nung bigla syang nagpahiwatig. Noong dahan-dahan syang gumawa ng move sakin. That time nung nagstay kami nila Sam sa condo. Dun nagsimula e. Dun ako lalo na-fall, lalo na nung nagpunta pa sya sa school para bigyan lang ako ng roses. I knew what I got myself into nung sinagot ko sya, pero iba yung sakit nung pinaparamdam ko sa kanya kung gaano ko sya kamahal pero iba yung sinabi nya.

Mahigit isang taon na pero masakit pa rin.

"You're thinking too loud, Shane," biglang may nagsalita sa tabi ko. Nakangiting nakatingin sakin si Evan. She was really nice, and I can say na may attraction ako sa kanya, pero I can't be with her kasi di ko mabibigay yung sarili ko sa kanya ng buo. Napabuntong-hininga ako. I don't want to string her along. Kasi parang ganon na yung ginagawa ko sa kanya.

"Evan," simula ko pero bigla nyang hinawakan yung kamay ko.

"Alam ko, hindi ka pa nakakamove-on. Pero I'm here for you, in any way you want," sabi nya. Napakurap ako. Anong ibig sabihin nyang any way I want?

"Gusto mong maging rebound?" pagkaklaro ko. Nagkibit balikat lang sya.

"If that's what you need, pwede naman. I don't mind," simpleng sabi nya. Napanganga na lang ako sa sinabi nya. Tiningnan ko sya ng maigi, baka nagbibiro lang sya. Pero hindi e, kita ko sa mata nya na totoo yung offer nya.

"Well, I do mind. I'm not gonna use you," tiningnan ko sya ng masama. "Alam mo, baliw ka. Ganyan ba epekto ng dito pinanganak?" pagbibiro ko. Natawa lang sya. Sa totoo lang, maganda si Evan, pero baka sapakin nya ako pagsinabi ko yon.

"No. It's just how I think. Moving on is hard. May kanya-kanya tayong process. May kanya-kanya tayong tolerance. But it doesn't mean na we can't enjoy life," pag-eexplain nya.

"It feels like you want me to use you para maka-move on," I squinted at her pero nginitian nya lang ako.

"Better to use a friend than a stranger, don't you think? I've known you for a while na. Ever since that night sa bar, you only focused on your studies and straight home. If it weren't for me and Ella, you wouldn't even go out."

"Gusto ko lang naman makasurvive," sagot ko.

"You survived at the cost of living."

"Dami mong alam, gusto mo lang ata makaisa eh," pang-aasar ko. She smirked at me tapos tumawa sya.

"Maybe." Binatukan ko sya.

"Baliw ka talaga," tumawa sya ng malakas.

"I'm not asking you to make me your girlfriend or to have feelings sakin. All I want to do was to help," mukha syang seryoso sa offer nya.

"Have you tried that? Using a friend?" She smiled sadly.

"I had... different kind of help. Not THAT kind of help," bigla nyang dugtong nung napansin nyang nagbago yung mukha ko. "Like I said, we have a different process. And whatever your process is, I'd like to help."