Hold On To Love || Kirk Hammett

Part 34- Without Her Love

*Cough**Cough* Last chapter alert

Tthe stuff in italics at the end of Savannah's POV are song lyrics. It's called One Way Ticket by Eruption.

What's the darkest point in your life? For most, it would be the death of a loved one, or maybe a divorce, or a bad breakup. But have you ever felt trapped in a hole with no way to climb?

I didn't want to wake up. I was having a much better time asleep. And that's sad. It was like a reverse nightmare. When you wake up from a nightmare, you're so relieved. I woke up into a nightmare. Most nightmares lasted a day, a week at most. But mine lasted for a year.

The phone buzzed from the room, but I let it go to voicemail. Answering calls is the last thing on my list. I had no energy left in me. My legs turned to jelly the second I stood up.

"Hey Kirk, it's Sophie from the Whisky. I was just wondering when you're free. Maybe we can talk sometime. I know you're married, but we can talk as friends. Call me when you're free. Bye."

I drove the needle into my arm, injecting the sweet heroin as quickly as possible. I needed to clear my head. Sophie? Who the hell was she? She sounded hot. I'd fuck her if I were Kirk. God, what am I saying? Was he cheating on me? I was a junkie with a shitty accent; of course, he was.

I thought 1990 would be better- I thought turning 25 would be easier, hell, I thought coming to America would be the dream- but here I was. In the back of my closet, heroin powdered on my clothes, and blood trickled down my arm.

I told myself I wouldn't sit and mope about the band breaking up, but sometimes my mouth has a mind of its own. I was devastated, and I had zero energy left in me. I was in a dark place, chambers in my mind opening, driving me up the wall. Heroin felt like my only chance of euphoria. The only thing keeping me sane. The past year felt like hell; I made Kirk feel like hell.

He didn't like this any more than I did. I felt like I was draining him the longer I stayed with him, like a black hole sucking all the light from his world.

He didn't deserve this. I was supposed to give him the world, but here I was, turning his upside down. He needed someone to rely on, to make him happy. God, I haven't heard that laugh of his in months. I couldn't find those soft brown eyes anymore. All I saw was pity and pain.

I couldn't take this anymore. My whole life, I just made people unhappy. I ruined my parent's life the day I was born. I drove my mother to overdose. My father hated me so much that he littered my back with scars. I couldn't even deliver my child. The band left me a year ago. And now Kirk was going to leave me.

He was going to leave.

He was bound to at some point.

He'd find someone who would shower him with the love I promised to give him. The things that I failed to do. And the thing that killed me the most was that someone wasn't me.

It never was me.

You know. Since the day she died, I promised myself that I'd never turn out like my mother. The gene would end there, but here I am. Pining over a man I'd never been able to love, wasting my chances away with heroin. Maybe the voices were right; I was just like my mother.

"Savannah?" No. Not now.

"Savannah?" Kirk sang, kicking the door open.

"Baby?" He opened the door of the cupboard where I was sitting. There they were. Not those loving eyes. Just sympathy.

He brushed my cheeks with the back of his hand. I stared down at my lap; I couldn't look at him anymore.

"Come here." He pulled me onto his lap, cradling me in his arms.