Ten years after I began at Hogwarts, Sebastian Sallow is back. And he's Professor Sallow now. He disappeared after the fall of Ranrok and Rookwood, after I lost Professor Fig, and after Ominis and I couldn't keep him from losing himself. But I never...
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Sebastian looks at me plainly from where he sits and states calmly, "I want to tell you that I'm nervous. Very nervous." The simplicity of his honesty lands in my ears like morning dew into a clover field and I'm motivated to instantly return the gesture in kind, saying, "I am, too." It's true, after all.
A smile flashes across the corner of his mouth as if he's relieved to hear it.
In what world could he possibly think I wouldn't also be nervous?
He hesitates so briefly and then says, just as calmly, "There are some things I'd like to share with you. But I'd like to take a moment to collect myself. Would you mind?"
I'm not exactly sure what that entails, but I figure I've waited long enough, so what's another moment? Something inside me tells me to keep that joke to myself, so I nod amicably and say sincerely, "of course, take your time." My nerves kick me to add, "do you need anything?"
He shakes his head 'no' and says assuredly, "thank you, no. I have everything I need."
Sebastian closes his eyes and inhales very, very deeply, as if filling his lungs to the ground. At the same time I watch him wave his hand in a specific motion in the air in front of him, whispering something to himself. Then, he gently interlocks his fingers as though creating a cup, but keeps his thumbs together which he then touches to his brow, his throat, and his heart, before resting his hands near his belly.
His gentle movements remind me of what he did for me the night of the Sorting Ceremony, only this time, he's not healing wounds. Instead, I feel a shift of energy in the entire room as though an umbrella of solitude has opened up above us, under which cascades a golden light of peace. Above, I notice the lacewing flies have calmed their furious flight to a more placid pace and are glowing even more brightly.
I notice my heart doing the same.
With a final, deep and long exhale, Sebastian relaxes his hands and opens his eyes which are now brighter and more alert. He seems relieved to see me curiously attentive and at peace, myself, from his efforts.
"What is that you do?" I ask.
"Sharp told you about where I went after Hogwarts?"
"Yes. He let me read the letter you left him."
Sebastian bristles a bit and nods. I'm sure it isn't comfortable for him to know just how many pieces of the proverbial puzzle were given to me today. Pieces that make me so angry with the Sebastian who left, but how could I possibly be angry with this Sebastian who came back?
"I brought you something," he says. And though it doesn't feel like he's answered my question, it also doesn't quite feel like he's changing the subject.
I watch him bend down to his bag and fumble with the buckles, tossing the top flap aside. I watch the defined bones and tiny muscles of his lean fingers, strong hands and toned forearms work and it kindles a yearning deep in my bones. Eventually, his hands wrap around a kind of well-worn leather folio with plenty of buckles and flaps of its own. It's larger than I've seen similar items to be, perhaps sixteen inches [42cm] in length, and twelve inches [30cm] in width. Most notably is how thick it is, no fewer than four inches [10cm] and quite stuffed full from what I can tell.
