Ten years after I began at Hogwarts, Sebastian Sallow is back. And he's Professor Sallow now. He disappeared after the fall of Ranrok and Rookwood, after I lost Professor Fig, and after Ominis and I couldn't keep him from losing himself. But I never...
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For the entire distance that April, Thiago and I lag behind the rest of the group, following Weasley back to the North Gate via floo, Thiago regales us – almost non-stop – with his favorite stories that April told him over the years. He is such an engaging storyteller. I have to remind myself that most of them aren't just April's but are my stories, too. I'm a little astonished to hear just how much she was able to remember and convey to him from the one year we spent together at Hogwarts.
To recognize the number of small moments and all the little details that she found interesting enough and important enough to share with someone else who clearly means a lot to her, especially in light of the memories she encapsulated in the repository, makes me realize just how blind I was, and perhaps still am. In my spiral of darkness and self-loathing I couldn't see – would never dare to conceive – that I might have meant even a fraction as much to her as she did to me. My mind almost can't comprehend it.
Breathe. Trust her, Sebastian.
Once we reach the North gate, Minister Spavin begins to make his goodbyes and I excuse myself to speak with him.
"Minister, I'm afraid my efforts will be disappointing," I say quietly, out of the way of anyone else. "You know what little progress I've made these past few years. It was an intriguing idea to explore..."
"Musn't give up, Sallow. There are many pieces to this puzzle," he says. "And I think you'd agree we all witnessed a few more pieces come into play this evening?"
I nod. Spavin adds, "do not discount what you are capable of, yourself. Keep at it. And keep in touch." He shakes my hand. When he walks to make goodbyes to the others,I pause to consider how right he is.
There is a much greater puzzle here than I realized. Though I can feel it's somehow all connected, I'm not sure what it all means or what all the pieces are. Not to mention the fact that before tonight, while I knew April was extraordinary, I had no real understanding of the depth and breadth of her power. How early she could wield it. The magnitude of it. The infinities she can manifest and manipulate.
I have a feeling none of us knew. Perhaps, in spite of his involvement, not even Ominis, given his inability to witness the immensity of it all.
At the thought of him, a wellspring of acid shame begins to bubble across the surface of my heart. It's a feeling I've been all too willing to ignore these last many years. But one I've struggled to keep at bay as of late.
I let my eyes wander to April chatting with Sharp. The easiness of her manner. The confidence of her posture. My heart swells to consider the tremendousness of her capacity. How little she asks for. How little she speaks about herself. I think about how she'd describe a meeting with Professor Fig here or there, or some 'trial' she had to complete for the Keepers. She never let on to the severity of the situation with Ranrok. Never a hint as the the staggering weight of what she carried. Alone.
