Chicago Universe ✔️

Trying For A Baby/Finding Out

Trigger warning- struggles with conceiving, miscarriage, high risk pregnancy

A year after we married Matt and I had a baby scare, when the tests came back negative we both felt disappointed. So we decided we would actively try for a baby. I came off the pill all together and after trying for 6 months I found out I was pregnant, excitedly I told Matt, but 3 weeks later I was in the hospital having a miscarriage. I was then told that I would find it hard to conceive and if I do I might loose the baby again. So Matt and I decided to stop trying and we will look into our different options when we're ready.

7 months later I found out I was pregnant again.
I place the test down on the counter top with shaking hands am I excited? Yes. But am I nervous? Most definitely. I leave the bathroom conjoined to mine and Matts bedroom where I find Matt getting dressed for the day
"Matt" I whisper
"I'd everything ok?" He frowns looking at me
"I think I'm pregnant"
"Have you taken a test?" Matt walks over to me. I nods my head and point into the bathroom. Matt goes in to get the test while I go and sit on our bed "well we know what we need to do"
"Matt I'm scared" I can feel tears prick my eyes
"I know. I know. But this time we know that you need to take the next few months steadily. No matter what happens we will be ok. I've got you" Matt wraps me up in his arms and holds me tight while I cry into him.

After having the pregnancy confirmed I start to show sighs of preeclampsia, so now I'm practically on bed rest
"How are you feeling today?" Kelly asks seeing me on the couch while Matt has gone to get me some of my craved food
"Tired. Got a headache. I know I've told Matt how scared I am and he said we will be ok no matter what happens, but Kel what if I do loose the baby? Normally after 3 months you can relax but I can't, I could loose those baby at any moment. I'm scared to hear their heartbeat then loosing them" I burst into tears. Kelly comes to sit on the couch and hugs me
"Matt wouldn't lie to you. If he said that you both will be ok then you have to believe that. Your being closely watched during this pregnancy right?" I nod my head but don't say anything "so you need to relax a little because I'm sure stress isn't going to help"
"I know. Nat told me that but it's hard. How's Matt? I feel like he's letting me be scared but what about him? How's he doing?"
"He's scared, more scared for you"
"What do you mean?" I frown
"He's scared that if you do loose the baby that you'll become depressed. He's scared that you might leave him"
"I would never...." thats when I realise that I've not been considering Matts feelings at all, what kind of wife does that make me?

When Matt returns I practically run off the couch and wrap my arms around him
"I'm sorry"
"What for?" Matt asks confused
"For being selfish. You've let me worry and cry and say my fears but I've not let you do any of that"
"Babe, look at me" I look up at Matt, who places his hands on my face "yes I'm scared, but your the one carrying this baby. Your hormones will be all over the place and I can't begin to imagine how that feels. Your the one who had to carry this baby and give birth and I can't begin to know the pressure you must be facing. I love you and I'm here for you throughout all of this. I know your here for me as well" Matt again holds me close to him
"I love you Matt and I appreciate you"
"I love you too. I got you. We're going to be ok. I promise"