I Can't Sleep

Why Don't You Fuck Off

James POV:

I can't sleep.

I mean I've never really been able to sleep very well - I've always been a restless child - but this is different.

And it's been like this all year.

Pretty much every year - first through fifth - I've had little to no trouble falling asleep.

Ugh, its so dumb but no matter what I do I just can't. fall. asleep.

It seems that throughout the years, as I've begun liking nyself less and less, I've also been sleeping less and less.

I used to think so highly of myself...but recently all I see when I look in the mirror are my flaws.

It's bloody ridiculous.

So now I'll toss and turn for hours and hours until sleep finally claims me at four in the morning.

And that's not even a guarantee, somedays i don't get any sleep.

But even when I do it's a sleepless sleep - does that make sense?

Like, even when I'm asleep it's like I never really get the energy and strength sleep is supposed to give you.

It's like, when im asleep I'm not actually sleeping, more like in a trance.

In that plain of existence between sleeping and waking.

Does that make sense?

Merlin I don't know, I haven't actually slept in a few days and I'm...tired.

And dumb.

I'm probably just babbling on and on about something that doesn't even make sense.

I can't think straight.

Which is odd considering how thinking is all I seem to be able to do.

Every night, all I do is think.

Think about my day - what went wrong and why.

And most of the times it's because of me.

So I guess it's my fault I can't sleep.

But even when I do sleep it's never for long.

I always wake within a few hours.

An upside I guess is that I'm always up in time to watch the sunrise.

I like watching the sunrise.

Hogwarts has the best ones.

I know you wouldn't think location matters - or maybe you would I don't know - but it does.

In the early mornings the hills are flooded with a peaceful mist, lazily floating around in a pink and orange haze.

The sky is always filled with the most gorgeous of colors.

I don't know if it's because it's Hogwarts or something but if anything in this world is magic, it's the sunrises here.

Unfortunately, sunrise can't be less than hours away.

I glance over at my bedside clock - 4:33.

"Fuck!" I mutter, jumping out of my bed.

Pacing back and forth across the dormitory floor restlessly, I continue to quietly mutter to myself.

"I can't stay in here...too hot...tired...stupid sunrise..." I mumble.

My breathing picks up and my heart begins to race.