James' POV:Today was an absolute rollercoaster of emotions.
I'm not sure whether or not I should consider it a success or a...well I don't know what else.
I freaked out multiple times, but I also gained two boyfriends.
Are we boyfriends?
Well, we're just going on a date so I guess we're not yet technically.
Who would want to be your boyfriend?
That voice in my head sneers.
It's my voice, but it's not.
It's more cruel. Hateful. Honest.
I scoff aloud at myself.
"Shut up." I mutter, almost inaudibly.
"James?" A voice whispers from my right.
My body freezes and I stay silent.
"James are you awake?" The quiet voice of Remus cuts through the dark.
I open my mouth to speak but no words come out.
My chest tightens and my throat closes off.
I can barely even breathe.
Soon enough Remus adjusts back into his bed and I hear his breathing even out.
Waiting a few minutes to make sure he's asleep I almost pass out from restriction if oxygen.
I let out the air that has been trapped in my lungs and whisper out a tentative 'Remus?'.
No answer.
That's good.
I don't know what I would have done if he had answered.
Perhaps he could have helped me?
Given me a sleeping draught or even an ear to talk off.
But I don't think that's what I want - what I need - right now.
A part of me desperately wants to go back to the way thing used to be, the way I used to see myself.
The way whenever I woke up in the morning it was with a smile on my face and a laugh in my throat.
The way I used to find happiness in life.
But another part of me doesn't want to burden my friends.
I don't want to worry them with the fact that I can't sleep.
Or the fact that everytime I look in the mirror I feel like throwing up.
Or speaking of throwing up - they can never know my...unusual eating habits.
But like I said some small part of me desperately wants their help.
Their help to make things go back to the way they were.
Afterall, simply being alive seems like a chore all on its own these days, so the times when I'm happy and content with life are very few and very far between.
Sighing quietly I sit up and run a hand through my hair, as if all of those thoughts will fall out like dandruff.
I gotta get out of here.
Leaving the dorm room - perhaps a little less frantically than last night - I make sure to grab my wand on my way out.
I make my way through the common room and out into the halls.
I'm not sure of the time, but just like the night previous I find the silent halls too eerily quiet.
It's so noiseless I irrationally find myself wanting to scream, just to fill the void with some noise - any noise.
YOU ARE READING
I Can't Sleep
Fanfiction☆ "I know how you feel..." "Oof, I sure hope not Potter. This shit hurts..." ☆ "I promise it's not poisoned." "Well you're offering me some of your precious chocolate Lupin, you can't blame me for being skeptical." ☆ "Oh please, we haven't been frie...