𝙏𝙝𝙚 𝙇𝙤𝙣𝙜 𝙃𝙖𝙡𝙡𝙤𝙬𝙚𝙚𝙣 (𝙈𝙖𝙡𝙚 𝙍𝙚𝙖𝙙𝙚𝙧)

Oh Christmas Tree, Oh Christmas Tree

December 24th, Christmas Eve 

Y/N sat at the Batcomputer in the Belfry, looking over every piece of information had gathered in regard to the Holiday Killer. They had struck twice so far, and both times was at the heart of the Roman's operations. It seemed whoever they were was targeting the Roman in an attempt to also bring him down. But in bringing down the Roman, Holiday was making Falcone into a corner, and you never back an animal into a corner lest you feel their wrath. One of the larger monitors displayed many of the suspects Y/N had managed to narrow down. But the list was too big, the evidence linking many of them was thin like paper and many of them didn't have motives. Hell half of Carmine's and Maroni's Capos and Solider's were listed. Y/N had even considered someone with ulterior motives, such as one of the Clayfaces or an outside crime organisation such as Intergang. 

Y/N was getting frustrated, days earlier he had once again met up with Pamela for a small catch up. Although he made sure not to drink any alcohol and exchanged it for ginger ale. An old trick Bruce used to use. It was just another catch up drink, Y/N made sure to stress that he had no romantic intentions which Pamela laughed about. Whatever they had, was in the past. But Y/N couldn't lie when he said he found Pamela attractive, platonically.

'You need to stop focusing on yourself' that voice slithered into his mind once again, over the last few months it had grown louder and louder. Mimicking his own voice and judging every Batman and personal choice he made. 'Selina, Pamela, deals with the DA, they're all distractions to the main objective. You need to focus, day and night you should be searching for Holiday, you disgrace. Anyone would be a better Batman than you'. 

Y/N gripped the desk tightly, biting his inside of his bottom lip as he couldn't shut the voice up. "Please, please shut up" he pleaded, tightly closing his eyes trying to silence the voice. 

'You volunteered to take the cowl, Dick, Jason, Cass, Duke. They all would've made better choices than you. You're nothing. They're waiting for you to fail, you failed your biological father now you're gonna fail your adopted father' 

Y/N felt his whole body shake, his hands trembling and eyes watering. 

The world around Y/N suddenly became a blur, and he felt as if the ground beneath him was shaking. His heart started racing, and his breathing became erratic, as if he had been running a marathon. The room felt like it was closing in on Y/N, and he struggled to catch his breath. Y/N tried to calm himself down, but it felt like a thousand thoughts were racing through his mind at once. Every sound seemed amplified, every movement felt like an earthquake. He felt like he was trapped in a nightmare that he couldn't escape from. The voice started getting louder and angrier, but he couldn't make out the words.

As Y/N tried to make sense of what was happening, he realised that he was having a panic attack. Y/N tried to focus on his breathing, but his body felt like it was on fire, and his heart was pounding so hard that it felt like it was going to burst out of his chest.For what felt like an eternity, he was trapped in his own body, struggling to regain control. But slowly, his breathing became more steady, and Y/N's heart rate began to slow. The world around him came back into focus, and he was left feeling drained, but relieved that the worst was over.

Y/N knew the voice would be back, much like the panic attack itself. Both may be gone for now, but their impact lingered on, like shadows that refused to be banished.

He steadied himself wavering from side to side but his grip on the desk grow tighter and tighter. Y/N slouched sitting back in his chair, a hand moving through his neat businessman hair roughing it up into a mess. He knew he had to get back work, he had to steady himself and find more evidence on who Holiday was. Suddenly one of the lights of the Batcomputer lit up, it was a signal from Commissioner Gordon. Y/N swallowed hard, pressing the button to open communications and ready himself.