Flower

6

I feel like the whole world is against me.

As I sit here in the darkness I feel like everyone even god hates me to the core.

Like I was the devil in the past life and is now being punished for her wrongdoings.

I was accompanied by my foster dad once again.

It's been a week since he last came and the bruise is now a purple and green color.

But I always have new bruises and other stuff forming all over my body from all the stuff I take from school abd my foster dad.

And his actions today left a bruise in between my tighs.

I fear that he'll bring his friends one day.

I fear that more then anything.

I resent my mother.

For giving birth to me.

When I was younger I hoped for her to be unhappy like me.

Especially after my foster mom committed suicide.

I hoped for her to be as unhappy as I was in that moment.

For her to be crying in pain and agony as I did.

I hoped for her to be experiencing all the pain I experienced.

All the loneliness and sadness I had.

I hoped... I hoped for her to be in pain.

But not dead.

Death was an easy escape.

An escape from this cruel world.

Being alive is a worse punishment then being dead. At least when your dead you either go to heaven or hell.

If your life is already hell it doesn't really matter if you die.

So I wanted her to be alive but in pain and unhappiness.

But right now as I experience all of this.

And as I grow older I hope she's happy...

I'm not so at least she should shouldn't she.

If she left me to be happy I hope it's worth it for her and she is.

I hope she's as happy as can be.

I hope she doesn't have bruises all over her body like me.

I hope she doesn't have to work so hard to just be alive like me.

I hope she isn't suffering like me.

I hope she isn't living like me.

I hope she's smiling as bright as the stars.

Even if I never see her.

Thinking about her being happy is enough for me.

●

I let tears stream down my face as I shook my head begging for them not to.

My dad waited outside my apartment and the moment he saw me he dragged me away.

We were now in an alley and they were all walking towards me like hungry beasts.

"No! Please let me go please please please! " I said as I tried to run away but it was no use.

I looked at my foster dad hoping he would have some kind of compassion but.

All he did was smile.

He smiled...

And in that moment all the hope I had disappeared.

I sobbed as one of the men knelt in front of me.

I tried to push them away but I gasped when I suddenly felt a hard slap.

Then a kick to ny abdomen making me wince. I looked at the man who hit me and his angry expression said it all.

One of the other men came closer to me and forced me to my knees while holding onto my hair.

I hope they kill me...

●

I sat on the floor emotionless. Everyone of them left one by one and now my foster dad was the only one left here.

I looked at him and took a deep breath.

I held onto his shirt and he looked at me. "Are you happy?" I asked and he just looked at me.

"What did you gain from doing this? Did you get money? Drugs, alcohol? "

I let go of his shirt and looked down at the floor as tears went down my cheeks. "Just why did you do this to me! " I said as I pulled my hair.

"I hate you! I hate you! I hate you! " I repeated as he left.

"I hate everything... " I covered my ears as the voices they made repeated in my mind.

The stuff they did flashed through my mind. The words they called me.

All the things they did to me. All the things everyone in this godforsaken world did to me.

I flinched when I suddenly heard a noise and I looked to my side to see my phone lit up.

Elizabeth...

She was calling.

I let go of my hair and watched as strands of hair fell out my hand.

I reached over to my phone and answered the call.

I answered the call as my hands shook and I heard her voice that I find so comforting.

"Hello, Violet. "

I started to sob the second she spoke and she stayed silent for awhile before speaking again.

"Violet? Violet what's wrong? "

"Please... Please help me. " I said in between sobs.

"Where are you? " she asked me in a worried tone.

I took the phone away from my ear and sent her the location, she ended the call after telling me she was on her way.