Flower

19

I opened my eyes when I felt someones touch.

I panicked for a moment before seeing Lizzie's frame in the dark room.

"Falling asleep in front of an open window isn't healthy. " she whispered.

I didn't say anything but as if it was an instinct I wrapped my arms around her neck and dug my face into her shoulder.

"What's wrong? " she asked confused.

"I just... I'm tired. " I mumbled not wanting to say more.

"Well I'm tired to... Plus it's quite late already. How about you go lay in my bed as I get ready for bed and we can sleep together tonight. "

I slowly pulled away and nodded.

I could see her smile and she lifted a tiny case up. "You fell asleep with these on to. Thankfully they did fall down the window. " she said with a chuckle as she stood up.

"Come on. " she said as she walked towards the door making me smile and stand up.

I did as she said and waited on her bed as she got ready.

She went into the bathroom and came back with pjs and a bare face. She got in bed with me with a smile and both pf us got under the blanket.

I wrapped my arms around her torso and rested my head right on her chest since she had her arm wrapped around my shoulder.

We slowly laid down but didn't part.

I liked hugging Lizzie.

She was warm and smelled nice.

And I felt safe when I hugged her. I liked when I could hear her heartbeat.

I don't know if it's because of my mom but...

Hearing a beating heart comforts me.

Not the beeping of a damn heart monitor but the beating an actual heart.

But I dislike mine.

Sometimes it beats so loud that it hurts my ears.

I also like how warm she is.

My mom was warm, during cold nights we would cuddle in front of the heater heating ourselves up.

When dad came home and when she cried she would still be warm.

She was warm up until she died.

When I touched her she was cold.

Not really cold but...

Not warm.

Still after I registered her death I hugged her.

I don't know why I did but I did.

By the time the ambulance and police came I was out of it.

Just hugging a dead body that was bleeding out.

I was in a pool of blood attached to a dead body.

I couldn't remember much of it. I only came out of my whole daydream situation when the police came.

Still I didn't utter a single word as they asked questions and tired to peel my arms and hands off my moms body.

She didn't have a proper funeral.

She was alone.

Me and that man were the only thing she had.

I wanted one but I was a child.

So when they gave me her ashes I didn't know what to do.

I thought about it long and hard and decided to let her ashes go.

When I got out the orphanage I got on a bus and went to the sea.

Since it was winter there wasn't anyone there.

It was cold and the wind was blowing hard.

I opened her urn and let her ashes fly away.

So she could truly be free.

I loved her but I knew.

I knew she couldn't do it anymore.

She couldn't take the pain the world had given her so I set her free.

She wanted to be gone and holding a piece of her in this godforsaken world was cruel.

At least for her.

Even if that was the last of her.

She deserved it after all the pain she went through.

It hurt at first but. After everything, you get used to losing.

No matter how important that is to you.

I sighed as I remembered that I was on Lizzie's bed.

I could hear her even breathes realizing she had fallen asleep. I snuggled closer to her like I wasn't close enough and closed my eyes.