It's been a few days since we have been practicing. I haven't got the opportunity to talk to Alex that much, he is busy with his basketball practice and I'm busy with my Tennis practice with Lily. I have been having a great time with Lily, it fun to spend a lot of time with Lily and I've been improving on my skills, that's what Lily told. I don't know what Alex might think... Today my class has an education field trip, and we are going to leave the school right now. Its literally just morning and the place where we are going is one and half an hour away...
it's going to be a really long and uncomfortable trip. At least I have my dearest bestie Lily and Daisy too. Daisy means a lot to me too, but she isn't that good. I feel like she craves for attention and hates that I'm closer to Lily than I am with her, and that I bond with Lily more than I bond with her. She hates that me and Lily don't fight much and forgive each really fast after we fight. Me and Daisy have had a really bad past with our friendship, we have had many big fights and it has not worked out much since then... our friendship has even been broken many times.
Like over forever, did hurt a lot at the first fight because she meant the world to me. But after that first fight, I haven't bonded with her at all. Like I don't like her and really don't think that she my bestie because of the past, and I don't have a good feeling about her since then, she always cries for the littlest things and gains my sympathy because I'm very sympathetic and always care whenever she is sad, but to be honest I am really tired of faking to be her bestie, but even though I am faking it so that I won't hurt her, I have played my role as a best friend perfectly.
I have been there for her whenever she needed me. When no one was there for her, I was there. Always. She never is great full for all those times. She talks about ending her life too. Like it's really casual. It really annoys me that she tells me that because I don't like how casually she speaks about it. She compares our friendship with mine and Lily's. She gets angry and says that I treat them differently. Everyone has priorities and she and I don't have many things in common. She is really different compared to me. I'm not much into these girly things, so isn't Lily.
But Daisy is very girly, and I really don't mind it, but it gets annoying when she compares our friendships and talking about dying so casually. It hurts that she thinks I agree with her because I don't. she says she has family issues and cries, but I can't do anything about it, all I can do is console her, but she doesn't like it. She wants me to do something for her.
But what am I supposed to do in her family matters? I haven't even met her family once in my whole life. How can I stop her parents from fighting? It's not even my business to interfere in her family issues, I don't have rights to, and I have no intention to do it either. But if I tell her all this, she going to break into pieces, and I don't want to be the one to do it. I don't want to hurt her. I don't want to hurt anyone. And she thinks that other than me and Lily there is no one in her life. She doesn't even try to make new friends and socialize a little and know more people and get comfortable and find people who are actually good for once.
She just somehow expects me to be there for her forever. What if something happens and our friendship is over. Then what will she do? Cry for the rest of her life? Of course not. She has to learn to live. Learn to make friends. Learn that there is life even without me and Lily. She needs to freaking understand. I don't know how to break it to her one day. But I do love her a lot and I hope she doesn't make another silly mistake and lose me for good.
. . . . .
Came back to school five minutes before the school ends and everyone leaves to go to home. But me and Lily got to stay back since we have to practice. I and Lily are walking towards the rest room so that we can change, I see Alex coming out of the boy's rest room all changed. He looks so fresh, maybe he washed his face. He looks extra good I don't know why. He isn't wearing his glasses. He actually looks really handsome without the glasses. So handsome. I'm just dreaming at this point. I'm staring at him while he walks out, he looks at me and gently smiles.
