I'm in the school's practise area. The practise is in its fifth day, so far, things are going great. I like practicing, but not taking breaks. I really wish Lily was here so I wouldn't feel so lonely and alone all the time. I don't know why I'm the only one here who is alone while everyone else has friends. The only person that bothers to talk to me is Alex. Jake is a buddy of mine and also a member of the student council at the school like Alex, but he never talks to me. He likely dislikes me. I wish people liked me.
Since I voted for him in the student council elections, I am familiar with him. He supposedly has feelings for Jenny, my best friend. So I was the one who looked into everything and found a solution, and as a result, they both became best friends while I was left out. Why is this something that everyone does to me? I like Lily because she is the one person who genuinely cares about me and stands by my side always. To me, she is like my twin sister. I'm lucky to have her in my life, yet the reason I'm so lonely, bored, and miss her so much is because she never gets tired of hearing about my ridiculous life experiences.
After the break, practice resumes. We receive another five minutes after a full hour of practicing. I'm moving in the direction of the ground's end, where I've left my water bottle. I kept mine where it was, just like everyone else, while I walked by myself and gazed at the ground. It is very lush and green. Someone tries to steal my cap from behind, but because I'm clever, I dodge the attempt. I turn to face the person. It's Alex, apparently. He exclaims, "Gimme your cap, it's so sunny!"
"Nope." I reply.
He sighs and moves quickly in front of me, running and bending at the same time. I'm not sure why, but that makes me think of a ninja. He isn't that quick, though. He is rapid, though. He makes his way for the water bottles. Exactly where I'm going. Great. He grabs Jake's water bottle. He removes the lid and sips one water drop. that point, I am staring at him while picking up my water bottle. I'm about to open the lid.
"Can I at least have some water, please?" he asks.
I nod and smile before giving it to him. He rushes to drink it since he appears to need water. I'm grinning. He says "thanks" and passes me the bottle. Though confused I'm fine. Along with drinking water, I take a seat. More practice, I sigh. "I'm so exhausted already" i tell myself. There is no one I can talk to, and I'm terrified to talk to anyone, so it's alright. Everything will be over in a week, at which point I can spend time with Lily and Daisy, release my frustrations, and still enjoy my life. Oh my God, make this weekend go by quickly. I'm worn out.
It's Sunday, the last day of practise before tomorrow's tournament, and I wake up at 6:30. I hated having to get up so early on Sunday to go to school. like, who attends classes on Sunday? And there are only 50 students attending the school today. just dance students. Well, I'm glad practice is over, but I'm bummed that my weekend is ruined because I'm here by myself and it sucks to be lonely. Instead, I wish I could have stayed home and watched TV all day. Now, I am helpless.
Since there is no bus today, my dad is taking me to school while I sit in the car. And all I can think of is how I would have preferred to be at home rather than in class. We arrived, and I opened the door. Dad says, "Call me when practice is finished so I can come pick you up."
I say, "Okay," and close the car door. When I enter the campus, everyone is seated in the first class, close to the entrance. class for first grade. As a way to wait for everyone to arrive so the teacher may begin and practice, I sat down in one of the chairs outside. While I wait, I sing senseless songs in my brain.
just wait.
The entire group arrived 30 minutes after I got there. We line up and move to the ground to practise. We were all in our places, standing. We were practising with other school children who would be competing against us. Gosh. In contrast with us, they are excellent. We're most likely going to lose. I guess it was all for nothing. So we did. Practice.
Continuously practice. without a single pause. Everybody was worn out. Not me. While practicing, I was kind of enjoying my own company, and since there were no breaks, I didn't have to watch other people have fun with their friends and make me feel lonely. It was nice. Because of the constant drama involving an argument between Jenny and me, I was feeling quite upset. Everything began when "Jake" entered our lives. I therefore hold him responsible for entering our lives and growing close to her. And I hold her responsible for liking him more than me. And I hold both responsible for making me feel excluded. For making me at my worst, I hold both responsible. Yep. A lot of drama.
I'm still in my worst state. but simply not showing it. For the world to not see you at your worst, you must put on a fake smile, right? The session is over. We all return to school at last. Everyone else is walking along with their friends while I am by myself. I dislike this so much. When we go to the school, everyone enters the classroom. I really don't want to go inside and watch everyone having a good time while laughing, smiling, and doing similar shit. I thus chose a seat just outside the classroom. Three chairs are right outside; I might as well sit down. Alone. No hesitation. Why does life have to be so incredibly difficult? I ask myself as I stare at the ground. Is it only me who always has people in their lives who hurt them? And even if lots of people do experience the loss of loved ones, why do I still feel lonely in this place? Why is it so difficult for me to meet someone who will truly love me for who I am and never leave me? shouldn't even consider it. Well, this life and this the planet are both awful. I hear two people leaving the classroom, but I don't bother to glance at them to figure out who it is. It doesn't really matter. I don't care.
Two minutes later, I hear more footsteps, but this time there is just one person there, and I can hear them singing. He sounds stupid. However, I do recognize the voice, and it belongs to none other than Jake. He most likely saw me here, but he didn't even bother to inquire as to my circumstances. why I'm sitting here by myself, Why I'm feeling so depressed and stuff. He must query. He doesn't, though that is final proof. He doesn't give a crap! My eyes are tearing up and I feel as like I'm about to cry, but I prevent myself from crying.
I don't want people to have thoughts this about me. That shit hurts. A deep voice said, "Hey" I look up to see who it is, and it's Alex. My heart is overflowing with an unfamiliar foreign emotion. I reply with a shaky "Hello."
"Are you crying?" He asks as if something is worrying him. For some reason, I get the impression that he is asking out of concern. is he? People no longer make sense to me. "I'm not." I answer.
Why are you sitting here by yourself, then? Step inside. he claims.
What should I do inside? I simply remark,
"Uh, you got a point?" Confused, he admits.
I say, "Yep".
"I know you're sad. Come in, you'll feel better" He speaks as though he has known me all his life.
I say "Later" to stop talking.
He says, "K take care," smiles at me, and then enters the classroom. Holy cow! Whoa, what was that?
