I'm pretty pissed off since I confessed to him fifteen days back, and he hasn't responded to me yet. He assured me that he would respond the previous day, but all he did was make things more unclear for me. What exactly is he having trouble with? I have no idea. Why can't he just tell me if he doesn't like me, and if he does like me, why can't he just say yes? I don't understand. I told him the truth in order to get a response from him. At this point, I don't care what the response is; all I care about is that he responds, and that I move on from him and this stupid situation. I'm sure that he is going to tell me that he doesn't like me, that I'm stupid, that I'm lame, and that I'm dung and stuff, but after waiting for over two weeks and being overwhelmed, I don't care anymore. I just want him to answer. I really
want him to tell me no as soon as possible so that I can put all of this negative stuff behind me and move on. My friends are telling me that he might like you, which is why he is thinking so much about it, but I have no hope, and I'm telling them that I don't care; I just want the answer already because I'm so tired of overthinking and waiting. I won't have a chance with him and plus, but I have no hope, but my friends are telling me that I should have hope because he might like me, which is why he is thinking so much about it. After what I said, I am convinced that he hates me. To be honest, I feel bad about confessing. I should never have confessed; I caused irreversible harm to our friendship, and I don't know why I did what I did. It is upsetting that this has happened to our friendship.
I am deeply sorry that I admitted my guilt. I blame myself for having done that. It was a mistake to let him know how I really felt. We could have been friends, and then best friends, and everything would have been so wonderful that I would have lost caring for him naturally; but I spoiled everything by acting in a way that was incorrect. But after giving it some more
thought, even if he says yes and that he likes me as well, I don't believe I want to be in a relationship with him. Simply put, I'm not prepared for it yet. Especially now when I'm only sixteen years old. Because I confessed, I no longer have a relationship with him. Or I'll end up having to let him go. He hates me. I'm sure he does. because we shared such joy and had such a strong bond as friends. It was so wonderful, and yet I ended up screwing it up. I CANNOT STAND MYSELF FOR DOING THAT. And I've gone completely insane, as seen by the fact that I'm currently sitting in a class about history, which is so boring that I'm not even trying to pay attention since I'm overthinking everything over here.
What am I supposed to do? I have no idea. I just want to know the damn answer so that I can be happy, and it doesn't matter what it is because I'm okay with it. Probably not, but it won't affect me at all. I'm at the point where I have no idea what it is that I want. If he says yes, I don't want to be in a relationship, but if he says no, I'll be a bit hurt, but I'll be able to go on and heal with time. I don't want to be in a relationship. I guess you could say that I want him to get rid of me. But why am I even bothering to do this if all it would do is hurt me? Ok. I've completely lost my hold on life.
. . . .
I'm currently seated next to Lily. She is currently munching on my fruits. While I'm sitting here with a sour expression on my face. I Don't even bother smiling. My mood was completely shattered as a result of my excessive thinking. Right now, I feel absolutely worn out. I am drained as well as irritated and angry. There are too many feelings to process all at once. I'm so done. I just want to get away from everything and everyone for a while and spend some time by myself in a remote location. But it's truly awful that this can't be done.
"Dude cheer up. Don't be such a stone-cold jerk. I don't like it."
I believe that Lily is attempting to comfort me, but because my thoughts are focused on something else, her efforts are unsuccessful.
