Reunion//Jolby/Cake

☆Chapter 3: It's Embarrassing☆

☆Jake's pov☆

<TW: SH/SU!C!DAL THOUGHTS>

I had just kicked Tara out of my house again. I don't know why she keeps coming back, she seriously needs to just move on. God, it was so embarrasing. I started crying! I'm glad I have Johnnie though, he's always been there for me. Colby too- I guess.

We broke apart from the hug, and everyone else in my house was staring at us.
"I'm not gay." Johnnie raised his hand and chuckled, trying to lighten the mood, and it seemed to work. Everyone else except me and Colby let out a small chuckle as well.
"I... I'm gonna go to my room. I'll be out in a second." I pushed out, trying not to break into tears again, Johnnie and Colby nodded.

I closed my door and pushed the lock down. I threw myself onto my bed, and pulled my knees up to my chest, letting out uneven breaths. 'Oh god. No...' I thought to myself as I glanced at the healed scars on my arm. It had been two years since I cut, and I really didn't want to break that. Last time I thought about cutting, was when Tara and I broke up, but I went to Johnnie for help.

Salty tears raced down my cheeks, as I let out gasps of air. I looked around my room, trying to find something to take my mind off cutting, but there was nothing. I have to go ask Johnnie. I wiped my eyes, but the tears kept welling in my eyes. I placed my hand on the cold, shiny doorknob, and unturned the lock. I twisted the door handle, and stepped out into the hallway, making my way to the living room, expecting to find Johnnie there.

I was right, Johnnie was sitting at the edge of the couch, next to Colby. We had a big enough couch, why did he need to be that close to my- whatever.
"Johnnie-?" I called over to the couch. He turned his head around, along with Colby.
"Awh. Jake." Johnnie said as he stood up off the couch, leaving Colby behind.
"It's okay, buddy. I'm here. Cmon, let's go to my room. Do you want Colby to come too?" He asked me. I was so lucky to have a friend like him. I wanted Colby there. But I definently didn't want to put my issues on his back. I shook my head no, and followed Johnnie to his room.

"So, what's the matter?" Johnnie asked me, rubbing his hand on my back.
"I.. I had thoughts again. I don't want to though, I'm two years clean, Johnnie.. I... I don't want to loose it." I told the other long haired boy.
"Oh.. I get it Jake. I understand. I get thoughts like that quite often, actually. I'm so glad you knew you could come to me. I'm glad you're to the point where your trying your best to recover. Have you thought about something that can help get your mind off of it?" Johnnie asked me, and I shook my head no. "Okay. Well, what do you enjoy doing? I don't recommend something too big or that can cause too much stress. I film myself, and rant to my camera. I never post it anywhere though." I thought about it in my head for a while, and finally came up with something.

"It's embarrassing." I chuckled, not really wanting to say it.
"I wont laugh, I swear." Johnnie promised.
"I like taking walks." I told the boy. He smiled at me,
"How's that embarrassing! That's a really good one." He smiled at me. It's not often that I see Johnnie smile, so it made me smile too.
"Whenever you feel like cutting or whatever you do, take a walk or come see me. I promise Jake, I'm always here for you." I nodded, and hugged him. I so glad to have a friend like him.

☆Sorry for this 'sappy' chapter ;). If you ever feel like relapsing, no matter how many days sober you are, please reach out. If you don't have people you feel comfortable talking about it with, please message me. I'll listen. Even find something to take your mind off it! Even if it seems stupid. I like to make bracelets and watch YouTube, but I try to keep myself off any social platforms, like instagram, TikTok, facebook, ect. Anything works! I love you, you matter, stay strong <3 ☆

(It's my bday today, and my mom got me a cake and put peeps on it, bc she knows I love lil peep sm😭🫶🏻)

(Also sorry its a shorter chapter ;( )

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