White & Gray

chapter 2,5 - urge

Vince

I stood in front of the door for ages. It was actually kind of scary. There should have been at least 5 of my men from the gate to the door of the house. There was no one.

For a second, I wanted to believe she was the reason behind it. She was too excited about my return and playing the boss in my absence. I could imagine her having everybody in the living room for my return. It made me smile for a second.

I should not fool myself. When I left, I did not even say goodbye to her properly. My anger and hatred covered my body. If I did not go, I wouldn't be able to see her longer since I was going to go to prison for murdering that asshole. Remembering him, his audacity..

I made a fist to calm myself down because if I can't do that, I will need to go back again. I can't face Dia's screams again as I crush his face. Her tears hurt me more than my fist on Sam's face. I can't live that again.

Thank God for my need to see Dia again after three months is the heaviest feeling now. It's almost like an urge. I have wounds on my body that hurts less than missing her. 3 months that I went through without telling her every single detail is equal to torture.

I missed her stalking online my one-night stands, I missed her exaggerated reactions to everything that I have done about my "work". Only if she knew more, my innocent angel. She would hate me. I missed her thinking about my heart. My heart that beats fast now.

When I open the door she won't be there. I could hear the noises of a huge crowd I could not care less. I love them, and I would die for them but they are not my "urge".

I opened the door and everyone instantly went silent. My eyes did not even scan the room, they just found hers instantly.

Normally, I am an observer. I never go into a room without counting everybody in it. I look at their faces, their guns, and their posture so that I can be ready for everything. Because of, my "work".

This was the first time, I did not know how many people are present in the room. Maybe because it was the first time I felt like I'm in the wrong. I did some hard shit to swallow in the name of "revenge", I hurt many hearts including my own, but this is the first time I felt regret for something I've done.

Not hurting Sam but hurting her. Normally I could foresee everything and act on it. That was the wrong time to lose my shit.

I kept on looking at her when my head is about to explode from all the possibilities that can happen within seconds, including myself reaching a gun and shooting myself with it.

Her hesitation was easy to read but at the same time, her urge to come forward to me is clear. She is always clear to me. That's such a relief that made me speak, I could say "I am back."

Then the hesitation was gone, she just ran to me and gave me the biggest hug. I held her so tight, as her scent covered me. I felt complete now. She forgave me. Even if it is for this second, she did. I will take whatever I can. Then everybody else came on me, shaking my hand and hugging me.

Now there were two, asshole and that new guy who was standing way too close to her that I almost saw him the second my eyes found Dia in the crowd.

Jason was standing in front of both of them closer to Sam for precaution and introduced me to the new guy as my eyes were locked on Sam's.

"This is the new guy." I took my focus on him. I trust myself in reading people. Dylan had a harmless image, he has not had a gun, and his posture was not steady, not even close to being scary and carrying confidence. I gave him a nod that should be enough to let Jason that he is approved, for now.

I gave my deadly stare to Sam letting him know that nothing is forgotten and left the room.