White & Gray

chapter 8 - what a night

 With that sentence, I was sober enough to realize that what just happened was caused by alcohol.

"He is drunk as much as me. That is why he is loose and does not think about anything."It is what I kept repeating to myself during the minute alone on the dance floor.

"Cmon! Let's have one more," he called from the bar. He was already back in his seat like nothing had happened. Okay maybe nothing happened and I was way drunker than him. The only good explanation. I saw the bathroom and ran to it. Wash my face and look in the mirror.

I always questioned scenes like these in the movies but in life, you really come to that point once in your life when you just want to look at yourself and think "What did I just do/think/feel?"

I came back to the stool, he had a new beer in his hand, he was looking down then he started to laugh and said "I am drunk." I couldn't help but laugh too.

"Me too," I said.

We laughed about this for 2 minutes, I was no longer feeling weird about what just happened. We danced a little more, with a distance that can be fit by one other person. Everything was back to normal. I was glad.

I was so tired. "We should call Dylan now," he said. He called him and we started to walk to the door. He was almost carrying me.

I was lying at the back of Vince's lap. Somehow he was all sober now and I was not. "You are not in the driver's seat!" I yelled. I realized that I had yelled when Dylan started to laugh.

My head was on Vince's lap and now I was looking at him. He smiled without saying anything and replied, "Your hair is ridiculously shiny even at night.".

"And you know your eyelashes are very long." He chuckled.

"Yes, I know. You say it every time you are drunk. Now you will say you love my accent," he responded.

Oh my God! Yes, I love his accent. "Yes!!"I yelled. "Thank you for tonight. I had a good time talking to you and checking out the girls and talking about the guys."

I looked at Dylan and said, "Don't worry, you're safe."

We came home, and Vince helped me to my room. He put me on my bed and kissed my forehead and said good night. "Wait! How come you are not drunk?"

"Because you needed me to be sober you weirdo." he smiled "Let me know if you throw up," he said

"He knows what I need, always." was the last thought before I fell asleep.

I woke up an hour later. All I need was water. I looked and see Vince fall asleep next to me. I woke him up and forced him to go to his room. I ran to the kitchen and I screamed when I saw someone standing there.

He cowered my mouth "Sam! You scared me! What the fuck?" I was still shaking.

"I'm sorry," he said while smiling.

"You are not sorry at all!" I replied to him. "Why are you so late?" I asked.

Then remembered the talk that we had at the dinner about him and I felt happy about it. I hope it will work out.

"I couldn't sleep," he said.

"Okay" I didn't know what else to say. Still that awkwardness... "I came for water."

After an awkward silence, we started to walk in the same direction which was even more awkward.

"You are so drunk," he said, still smiling.

"No, I am not!" I tried to defend myself.

"You are shouting which means you are." he laughed.

He kept his smile to make things less awkward. "Good night," I said as I was about to walk into my room.

"Don't feel bad that you are drunk. Why do you blush?" his voice stopped me.

Vince told me "he has a crush on me" my brain screamed the answer.

"I don't know, I guess I don't hang out and drink that much. That's why."

He smiled "It was not too long ago when you were coming to the boy's night out with us and drinking. I knew you were drunk the minute I saw you in the kitchen. I know drunk you."

He said this with a bigger smile as if he was picturing it. "Those were younger times Sam. Now we are old people. My head hurts from the music. Can you believe that?"

He laughed. "Speak for yourself. I am still young."

"Wait a minute!" I said looking at him. I noticed that he was wearing a nice outfit and he was constantly laughing.

"It's not that you did not sleep! You were out and you are drunk too. This is drunk you! You are not only laughing at me. You are laughing because you are drunk too!!" I pointed my index finger at him with my jaw open.

"I was out but -" I put my finger to his lips to stop him and said,

"You lied to me because you were drunk. Counts as blushing. No excuses!"

He laughed and looked at me. His glances... There is something about it. You can suddenly feel joy in your bones when you look at him as opposed to my "sibling" Vince who can make you feel like you've done something wrong and that your heart will never stop.

This one was definitely a joy. I felt it in my bones. I just took a step and hugged him. At first, he did not hug me back he just sighed. I did not let go. I just needed this. Then I realized he won't hug me back. I was about to give up when I felt his hand on my back. He hugged me so tight.

He put his face to my neck. He was breathing in and out of my neck. He was much taller than me, so I didn't know how come he might be comfortable in this position. I felt dizzy for a minute, I had goosebumps with every breath he gave to my neck.

I said "I missed you too, you idiot. Try talking to me next 3 months instead of ignoring me."

I just wanted to get out of this awkward position. Just needed sarcasm to stop my heart from racing.

He did not move "You know I couldn't," he said still on my neck that is why his voice sounds like it is from far and yet since he is too close I can feel the vibration on my body.

I felt a few other things on my body that I didn't understand or recall. My heart was pounding, my breath was faster, and I was more than just blushing. We were just standing still but inside of me, everything was going crazy.

I moved back. I felt like I had to. He was looking at me but now I could feel his sadness. That's when I remembered. He was always emotional. Type of man that does not hide his emotions. It hit me. It must have been really hard for him to make me feel like he is ignoring me. Once again, I was selfish and only considered my side.

"I'm sorry for bringing up this 3 months. But you know I feel like everything will be better in time." I hope Vince really will try. "Don't feel sad about this anymore," I said.

He was looking down now. I somehow needed to see the joy that made me hug him in the first place.

"Look at me," I said. "You have done nothing wrong. It will take time but Vince will see it. I miss you. Please don't fade away again, okay?"

He smiled. I sighed in relief.

"I never wanted to fade away but it seemed like the right thing to do. Whatever happened and happens with Vince is between us. Stop worrying about it. I won't make you feel this tense anymore. I know Vince never did. You will be fine." He said holding my hand.

"I am fine after tonight." I thought as I reflected on my conversation with Vince and Sam.

"Good night," he said and leaned down for a kiss on my cheek maybe closer to my lips. I shook my head to get rid of my thoughts.

"Good night," I said, walking fast into my room. I leaned against my closed door and sighed deeply.

What a night.