Don't Gotta Be Drunk to Say It

Sip 22: Woe is Plot

Ever since Fire Brimstone's father committed suicide, his life has been turned UPSIDE DOWN! When his new aunt comes to town, Fire must do everything in his power to STOP her from taking his inheritance money (which includes DEATH DEFYING ways of avoiding US Law for the sake of a book character with an über cool name! WHOA!). But wait, the adventure doesn't stop there Wattpad! Remember the fact that I said DEATH DEFYING?! The fact that it was all in caps means that it was a foreshadow and that THE GRIM REAPER APPEARS to tell Fire that his father's suicide wasn't that, but was infact: A HOMICIDE!!! But wait!! The tale doesn't end there! (Unless I get 200k reads because then it does and I'll just make a Book 2 and call it: THE DEATH DEFYING SERIES). Anyway, remember the aunt that I didn't capitalize?!?! That was me trying to hide from you how important she really was because you see: SHE KILLED FIRE'S FATHER!!!

Now, meet Thunder Blaze, a male love interest I vaguely mention in a high school romance book I wrote. He's the bad boy Fire always resisted in SCHOOL! And also a way to get even more reads since the boyxboy community EATS IT ALL UP MMM MMM MMM!!

(It kinda would help if you guys read this in a movie trailer announcer's voice. JS.)

Thunder Blaze confesses his undying love for Fire after they get to know each other over the course of 5 chapters because of a school project or AFTER SCHOOL CLUBBB. However, can he win the heart of Fire when Fire has already sort of confessed to THE GRIM REAPER?! CAN THE GRIM REAPER TURN INTO A HUMAN SOMEHOW WITHIN THE NEXT 3 LAST CHAPTERS AND ALSO SUDDENLY GARNER A SENSE OF HUMANITY AND THE WEIGHT OF LOVE THAT COMES WITH IT? HM????

Hold on to your last bit of common sense (or throw it out the window for a better read) because the life of Fire Brimstone is one of chaos, terror, excitement, drama, pain and agony as you try with all your might to give your last 2 shits about this godawful story I keep dragging out into the span of ..... 5 BOOKS!
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Yeah, this was supposed to be a Sip about summaries about stories about kids with overly dramatic and depressing lives, but I sort of got trigger happy and made it an immature, piss-poor amalgam of things I hate on Wattpad. Anyhoo, now I'll make this chapter about what it was originally supposed to be about.
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If you aren't tired of reading stories about the overly depressing lives of American teenagers, have I got a tale for you.

Join me on an adventure of tragic proportions as we follow the life of Libby Trashbin. After being thrown in a dumpster by her cocaine addicted mother, Libby is taken in by a foster family that for some reason tactlessly, senselessly, and insensitively, give her the last name Trashbin. Because of such, she is picked on in school and develops anorexia in the hopes of catching the eye of someone named Jake who also picks on her as well as also being on the American football team.

But Libby fails to notice a boy named Blake who was the stereotypical scene/emo kid that was also bullied in school. Blake says hi to Libby once with a small blush and she ignores him only to find out that same afternoon Blake is hit by a car and killed. That's also the last we hear of him because conveniently it was a hit and run and conveniently Libby learns that she was somehow in love with Blake all along and that she shouldn't take people for granted.

But just as she realizes this, Jake hits her with a dodgeball and is forced by the PE teacher to take her to the school nurses office where another convenient thing happens: Jake realizes for the first time ever that he's a dick and it only took a 6min conversation with Libby in the nurses office. Now he waits on her every need because he's living in eternal guilt (and by eternal I mean for the rest of the book)
However, just as Libby is given a man-servant, she's whisked away to England or some hoohaa because her foster family couldn't be bothered anymore and conveniently they have extended family in Ireland or some hoohaa.

Now, living in Scotland, Libby finally gets to start over and live a normal life. Except she can't really because that's impossible for someone like her. Miraculously, or rather, unfortunately, she all of a sudden develops a mental illness a crack baby should have had it's whole life. She can never find peace.

Please read the book for the full effect, as the summary was but a skeleton in Libby's overly voluptuous life.
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Anyway the point of this was YOUR CHARACTER DOESNT NEED AN OVERLY SADDENING PLOT TO GAIN ATTENTION YOU FREAKING READ HUNTERS. I CANT EVEN FREAKING STAND PEOPLE. HOW HARD IS IT TO JUST TAKE MAYBE ONE SAD THING AND MAKE A REALISTIC STORY. THERE DOESNT NEED TO BE STUPID NONSENSICAL NONSENSE. ITS NOT FREAKING WONDERLAND UNLESS ITS FREAKING WONDERLAND AND EVEN THEN SO BRAINLESS CLASS-LESS DWEEBS CANT GET WONDERLAND RIGHT. SHE MET THE TWEEDLES IN THROUGH THE LOOKING GLASS YOU FFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUU