Don't Gotta Be Drunk to Say It

Oh! How about this?!

BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!

Ugh!!!

BEEEP BEEEP BEEEP!! My alarm clock obnoxiously screams.

I throw my blankets off of me and take out the baseball bat I ceremoniously keep under my pillow for this occasion.

BANG BANG BANG!

I smash that little bastard of a machine to pieces, effectively waking up the rest of my house and impressing the readers with my hardassness. My mother screams, something about why I must do this every morning, but I'm too shallow to allow her to make sense in a book about me, so I scream back: "CANT YOU UNDERSTAND HOW MUCH I HATE ALARM CLOCKS! UGH!!" But I'm going to buy another one this afternoon because a broken one won't help me wake up. Duh.

I turn and face the enormous vanity desk my grandmother got me. She's the only one that really ever loved me.

Suddenly my bedroom door opens. It's my mom. Of course. She always comes into my room to give me ten dollars for lunch. What's wrong with her? Doesn't she know that every morning I reminisce about my grandmother?

"Here's $10 for lunch honey. Please clean up the alarm clock and be down for breakfast." She says sweetly.

Well I hate sugar. It's all about the sour. "Get out mom! I'm thinking about grandma! She's all I ever had!! Ten dollars isn't enough money to buy lunch!!"

Then I throw a pillow as she scurries away.

She's such a bitch. I need more than 10$ because I have to buy lunch for the gays and other bullied people so I won't look like an asshole.

Anyway, my grandma.

And anyway, my vanity set.

I sit down to get ready for school. Ugh. My name is Charlotte Baltimore-Bradfordshire and I'm just an average blonde girl with a round head and even rounder boobs. My mouth is petite, but I've been looking up on google which age I have to be to start getting injections, because I really need Jack to ask me out. I pick up my glasses and put them on. I hate looking like such a nerd. Well actually, these are just IMAX3D goggles, but I popped the lenses out and painted over the logo. As long as no one tries to touch them (which they haven't) I'll be fine. Since I'm such an ugly nerd anyway I might as well put no effort into my golden tresses. Is this paragraph getting to long? Not sure but I'm not done talking about how I look so who cares! (AN: she's so hardcore!) I walk to my closet and pull out black skinny jeans and a black T-shirt. Then I put my feet into my black vans. I wear black because nobody notices me anyway. Sob.

Finally I'm ready for school. I figured I'd just brush my teeth on the way to school because fuck what the public has to say to me.

I make my way downstairs for breakfast. My mom has out scrambled eggs, pancakes and bacon. She doesn't even realize that I prefer Trix (I'm a kid at heart so don't steal them from me silly rabbit!).

"I thought we could have a nice sound breakfast since today is your first day back from spring break." She said when she saw me headed for the cereal.