Trusting (KTH)

Chapter 4

The boys were definitely more grumpy than usual but Clara and Sooyun were able to keep the worst of their tears at bay. Clara hoped they'd be ready for a good night's sleep tonight.

Taehyung was back to the hotel a bit earlier today and was glad to discover he was there before bathtime for the boys. He loved how they splashed their little fist and feet in the water, enjoying the warm water. Dismissing Sooyun he quickly stepped into her place, bathing one of the boys in the big double sink while he made funny noises and faces to draw his attention.

"How was your day today?" Taehyung asked Clara.

"Pretty good. The boys were a bit fussy but Sooyun was really good with them."

"I'm so glad. So you like Sooyun then? You think she will be a good fit?"

"Yes, I think so. It's still a bit early but the boys seem to like her and she really responds to the boys."

Taehyung paused. "But what about you? Do you like to spend time with her?"

Clara paused. "I don't know, I guess it just takes me a while to warm up to new people. And she doesn't really know anything about me which can lead to some awkward conversations. Like today she asked me about the scar on my face and it felt uncomfortable to share with someone new. I like to be in a spot where I don't have to think about it so it was a little painful when she brought it up."

"Oh sweetheart" Taehyung put his arms around her. "I'm sure that must have been hard. I'm sure you did well. In the meantime now she'll know how strong you are to have survived both twins and a mugging that resulted in that type of injury."

Taehyung wanted to go and wrap her up in a hug, but they both had wet slippery babies in their respective sinks that needed to be towel dried, dressed, fed, and tucked in for the night. He'd have to save that for later.

After the boys were placed next to each other in the portable crib Taehyung grabbed Clara's hand. "Will you come into the main room and dance with me for a bit? I'd like to hold you close."

Clara blushed, but happily grabbed his hand. Taehyung was always finding sweet ways to show his affections and she never grew tired of feeling so loved.

Dimming the lights and putting on some soft jazz, Taehyung swayed Clara back and forth in his arms, softly humming along to the music.

"Thank you for figuring out how to take us with you." Clara whispered. "I don't know what I'd do if we were apart for so long, I'd miss you too much."

"I feel the same way, baby girl. And now I really do get to give you the world."

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It wasn't long before they were packing their bags to go to Paris and then to Barcelona and Rome. Taehyung's schedule was busy but he found time for a date in each city even if it was in the hotel room. A picnic on the floor of the suite with the balcony doors flung wide to see the Eiffel Tower, a late night drive around Rome city to see the lights and the beautiful sites, or a bunch of flowers along with a tasting menu of local specialties in Barcelona.

The boys were also settling into a routine and growing quickly, well fed and cared for by the whole community around them.

Namjoon stopped by frequently, but Clara regularly saw the other boys too. Sometimes she'd join them for breakfast in their main suite, but more often one would follow Taehyung home, wanting to spend a bit of time soaking in the innocence of the beautiful babies. Clara had become more friendly with all of the guys but was surprised to discover that their most frequent visitor was Jungkook, who even a few months before avoided eye contact with her. Taehyung told Clara it was because he both hated to be alone and hated to be with strangers. He found comfort being around others he knew that didn't talk too much. Between Clara's shyness and the boy's lack of language, he got the best of both worlds.

Even though it was busy and traveling was stressful, Clara's recovery from her postpartum depression seemed to be going well too. She kept up her regular online appointments with her therapist to ensure things were going in the right direction, glad to have Sooyun around to take the boys so she could have uninterrupted time for those private personal discussions.

Dr. Park had joined the tour and Clara was glad to show off how much the boys were thriving while he acted like an additional grandparent, always ready to love on the twins.

Overall things were going surprisingly well. They were only one month into the nine month tour and Clara's was increasingly certain that coming with Taehyung was absolutely the right thing to do.

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They were just wrapping the second month of the tour when Clara's parents got a call that her grandmother had fallen and needed hip surgery. Her parents would need to return to Korea to assist her for several months but would come back and rejoin Clara and the boys as soon as they could.

Clara was sad to see them go but felt like she'd established enough patterns and had enough of a support system around her that she'd be fine on her own until they returned. With a promise that they would still talk every day, her parents kissed her and their grandsons goodbye and headed toward the airport.

Taehyung found Clara later that night looking a little teary. "Hey beautiful, what's wrong? Are you sad your parents left?"

"I know it's silly but I just miss them. They've been a rock in my life for the past few years. Maybe this will be a good opportunity to become more independent and self-confident, but I really do miss them."

"It's ok to be sad sweetheart. But I know you're going to do great. Don't hesitate to let me know if there is anything I can do to help, ok?"

"Thank you" Clara whispered back, trying to keep her tears at bay. "I think I'm just a little tired and a good night's sleep will help. I'm going to go get ready for bed."

Taehyung held Clara extra tight that night, wanting to offer some extra comfort to his wife and remind her that he'd always be by her side.

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It was beautiful weather the next day when Sooyun suggested they take the boys for a walk in the stroller. The spring flowers were starting to come into full bloom and Sooyun thought they could take some cute pictures of the boys with the fresh blossoms.

They had gone on a few walks together already, but it was obvious that being out with the boys always made Clara anxious. She was afraid someone would see her leaving the hotel and somehow associate her with BTS, or the still very prominent scar on her face would draw unwanted attention.

Seeing Clara hesitate, Sooyun suggested that maybe Clara would prefer to use the opportunity to nap instead and Sooyun could have the security guard as her companion. She promised to take lots of photos of the boys that she could share later.

"I know you worry about people staring at you because of your face," Sooyun added. "It may be easiest if you just don't put yourself in that situation. There is no need to stress yourself."

Clara felt a bit awkward, but agreed. A nap really did sound lovely. Knowing the security guard would be accompanying the walk added to her confidence that it would be fine without her. So with a brief smile she thanked Sooyun for her thoughtfulness and agreed to lay down for a bit.

By the time Clara reawoke her phone was filled with pictures of the twins in big fields of blooming flowers at the local park. The photos were gorgeous, she'd always know Sooyun had a knack for photography. She was always taking pictures of the boys and sharing them with Clara. Clara was terribly thankful knowing she never seemed to remember to capture memories of the boys growing, always stuck in real-time.

Moments later she heard Sooyun open the door to the suite, chatting away at the babies who were in the double stroller.

"Oh Clara, you are awake. Did you sleep well? I'm sorry you didn't join us but I hope you received the pictures I sent. It really was beautiful out today."

Clara smiled in return and shared that she did enjoy the photos, but inside she was struggling a bit. Was her fear of being stared at or having people discover her going to hold her twins back too? She wanted them to grow up confident like their father, thriving rather than surviving hidden in the background. But how could she teach them that if she wasn't even willing to go out? It was something she'd discuss with her therapist. Maybe she'd have some ideas for Clara to consider.