Trusting (KTH)

Chapter 6

As the weeks wore on Jungkook began visiting increasingly frequently. He and Clara had become quite friendly, both appreciating a quiet friendship for the journey. Sometimes they chatted, other times they just sat in opposite corners of the room, each doing their own thing. Usually Taehyung was with them but periodically Jungkook was free earlier than the others so he'd stop by even when Sooyun was still around, happy to have a place to relax while embracing the growing twins in his arms.

Clara knew there was no lack of girls that would have loved to be with Jungkook. But she also knew he was more complicated than the public understood. He was neither the baby or the goofy muscular guy the public saw. He was shy and lacked confidence outside his closest friends. He wasn't interested in girls that threw themselves at him and they never would have truly liked him for who he really was, a normal modest guy. The few girls that came into his orbit that he was interested in never seemed to go anywhere. Either he was too nervous to express his feelings or the challenge that came with his job made a relationship difficult, if not impossible, to sustain.

In many ways Clara and Jungkook were two birds of one feather, although he clearly did better in the spotlight while she hated even walking into a crowded room. He explained to Clara that in some ways being on stage was easier than smaller gatherings with strangers. He could easily put on his BTS persona, and the crowd almost felt like it blurred into one person. Being surrounded by such a sea of people actually made him feel less in the spotlight than if he was trying to carry a conversation with a stranger.

Sooyun often tried to chat with Jungkook in an effort to be friendly but he rarely reciprocated much. Not that he didn't like Sooyun, she was perfectly nice. But there were lots of people who would be glad to talk with him about the surface aspects of life. He wanted more peaceful quiet in fewer closer relationships. Clara was becoming like a sister to him and Clara was glad to have one more person watching out for her and the boys while her parents were away from them.

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By the time they transitioned to the United States Clara discovered that she had a bit of a problem. None of her clothes seemed to fit correctly anymore. Over the last year she'd been on a roller coaster or weight loss, gain, and then loss again. Parts of her body were returning to their pre-pregnancy weight and shape while others were not.

Clara didn't need much by way of clothes, but she did like to at least look nice the few times she went out and when she was with Taehyung. She didn't want to spend the rest of her life in athletic wear and sweatpants.

Clara and Taehyung were discussing the issue one morning when Sooyun arrived. Taehyung was in a bit of a hurry to get out the door that morning but he promised Clara he'd discuss the request with security to see if they could accompany her to some of the local shops.

After he left Sooyun popped in with an idea to share with Clara. "I couldn't help but overhear your conversation. Maybe you should ask the shop to bring you clothes that you can try here at the hotel. You may find it easier, but also you won't have to worry about being seen or people staring at the scar on your face. I know how much that bothers you so might this be a way to avoid feeling uncomfortable?"

Clara nodded. Sooyun had a point, she'd ask Taehyung if they could find a shop that might bring clothes to her that she could try on. Then she wouldn't have to worry about leaving the boys either.

A few days later Taehyung came through and there was a knock on the door. Clara opened it to discover her security guard Yoonseo along with a person pushing several racks of clothes for her to consider.

It felt like a lot. Clara really only wanted a few things, maybe some cute sundresses as summer came or some new better fitting shorts and tank tops. This was clothes for every occasion and far more than Clara felt comfortable spending.

Clara began to slowly sort through the racks, picking up the things that most matched her style so she could try them on. After bringing them to the bedroom she began to try things on one by one, stepping out afterward to see what Sooyun and the shop assistant thought.

Sooyun blessed many of the pieces saying they looked fantastic on Clara. But others she tried to steer Clara away from. "I'm not sure it's best for you to wear sundresses anymore. You probably will always have a bit of a belly from carrying twins" or "I'd be cautious about tops that may reveal any of your midsection, your stretch marks from your pregnancy are really quite noticeable."

Honestly hearing the feedback hurt a bit but Clara knew that Sooyun was just trying to be helpful and keep her best interests in mind. And the reality was that her body probably never would go back to its original shape. It was ok for now while she might still convince herself that she was still recovering from her pregnancy, but it did make her start to wonder how long it would be until Taehyung realized that the body he loved was never coming back. Add to that the scar on her face and she really wondered if Taehyung could still find her attractive if he was honest about it. Sure, he might be kind to her because that was his disposition and he was her husband, but could she really ever be beautiful, or anything close to that again?

Clara ended up getting just a few items, suddenly questioning why she was putting forth the effort with her clothes if she was still the same misshapen girl. Was it really worth investing any money in putting lipstick on a pig? She may as well just keep wearing sweatpants.

Clara became quiet over the course of the day, weighed down by her thoughts. She'd really allowed herself to become sheltered by keeping her circle so small. Realistically she'd never be beautiful in the world's eyes again. And Taehyung would always be gorgeous and surrounded by incredibly beautiful and sexy women. It really was only a matter of time until he noticed.

Clara was already in bed by the time Taehyung came home that night. He went to pull her closer, but instead of latching on like she normally did she seemed to shuffle further away. That was odd but occasionally happened when Clara was too warm due to fluctuations in her hormones. Taehyung didn't think too much of it, giving his wife a bit of extra space and planning to make up for it in the morning.