Trusting (KTH)

Chapter 56

The next morning Clara seemed to have renewed energy. It was the beginning of a shift. A shift that was so subtle at first it was hard to notice. She began, almost achingly slowly, to venture out into the world. It started incredibly small. An offer to go and collect something from the makeup artist who was staying on another floor. Or a visit to the hotel kitchen to quickly talk with the nutritionist who continued to make her delicious meals.

Then she ventured to the coffee shop in the lobby of the hotel. Or stopped by the front desk to pick up a package that had been delivered. Each time she had a member of the security team right beside her, but day by day she started venturing slightly farther out into the world. After several weeks and a few cities had passed, she even asked the team to find a small local park where she could take the boys when it wasn't too crowded. For this expedition she took her parents and four members of the security team. While taking so many people with her was a tax on their staffing resources, everyone agreed it was well worth it if it helped Clara regain her footing and gave the boys an opportunity for some fresh air.

Clara was pushing the little tiger in a small baby swing while he squealed in delight, reaching his arms out to her every time he came near. The little cub was crawling up the steps to a small slide, where a grandparent would gently help him glide down until he quickly scurried back to the steps to go down again. Clara put baseball caps on the boys to shield them from prying eyes, and wore a large hat and sunglasses to avoid being noticed herself. Altogether their time at the park flew by without incident and Clara only dragged the boys away when she knew they'd need to have dinner soon to avoid a meltdown.

Clara began to venture further and further as the tour rolled on. She would take short walks near the hotel with her yoga instructor or venture to a small cafe with her mother, keeping the boys tucked into the safety of a stroller. Everywhere she went she took security with her, but as they expanded their circle, she discovered it was rarely necessary.

There were a few run-ins. A couple of times she saw people taking her picture, but as soon as the security guard noticed he quickly hid her and the boys from view before going to warn the photographers that it would be in their best interest to delete the photos. Even keeping a relatively low profile it wasn't long before talk about Clara began to circulate online again. It felt less vicious this time around, largely just notes about sightings of her and what she was wearing. A few astute fans seemed to have noticed her belly, which by now was beginning to show a bit, and speculated that she was once again pregnant. Based on Namjoon and Taehyung's guidance she almost totally avoided all social media and news, recognizing that the company would fastidiously watch out for any mention of her that needed attention.

Even so, there were a few scary moments when she was out. One time a few fans got too close to the boys for Clara's comfort, going so far as to touch their hair. Clara was horrified and security immediately got her back to the safety of the hotel, but it did act as a setback discouraging her from venturing out the next few days.

Another time several girls began shouting loud profanity at her, telling her that she should get away from Taehyung. Clara felt totally unsettled, but again, quick work from the security team resolved any further issues.

During this Taehyung largely stayed silent. He encouraged her to explore, worked closely with security to ensure she was always protected, and enjoyed hearing about her little adventures or receiving pictures of the boys at a park or a cafe. Through it all he could sense that Clara wanted and needed to do this for herself and by herself. So he offered full support without pressure, hoping she might break through some of the demons that had been plaguing her.

Clara also found herself at several more of the concerts. She and her parents continued to trade off with the boys when there were shows on back to back nights. One time they even brought the boys to the concert with them, but they largely spent the night tucked away in a backstage green room, sound asleep in their portable crib.

Feeling more comfortable in the hotel room was a different issue. Taehyung kept hoping that as Clara became more comfortable outside their hotel room she would similarly feel better about her safety inside the hotel room. Frustratingly that seemed to be a much slower process. She continued to shy away from any meaningful physical intimacy with her husband and continued to sleep in what Taehyung deemed far too many clothes. He occasionally put out gentle feelers to see if he might break down the wall she'd built between them but it remained rock solid and impenetrable.

Taehyung continstantly reminded himself that the alternative was for Clara to be in New York or Seoul, so even just being able to offer her a gentle hug, hear about her day in person, and see the boys continue to develop was well worth the sacrifice.

As the tour rolled on the boys continued to develop well too. The little tiger was beginning to speak, largely still babbling but undoubtedly having separate sounds for his mother and father. At the same time the little cub had started walking. Less than three days after taking his first few shaky steps unsupported he seemed to be virtually running, creating a whole new set of challenges for Clara and Taehyung as they tried to reign in their energetic toddler. It was obvious he was going to be a climber but hadn't yet figured out how to accomplish it on his own. They knew he was going to require close attention and possibly a large bubble to keep him safe from hurting himself.

Clara's pregnancy also continued to progress well. She had some morning sickness but nothing like the last time, which she viewed as a clear sign that she was unlikely to have multiples again. Her first doctor's visit confirmed this, there was only one small bean growing in her belly. She did make sure she napped whenever the boys did, often sleeping extra while her parents got the boys up from their naps and back to their exploration of their toys and the space around them. She was increasingly having nights she was asleep before Taehyung returned to the suite but everyone simply accepted that as the reality of the taxing effort to take care of the twins and grow another little one.

Clara finally felt like they were starting to hit their stride right as the tour was coming to an end. It was crazy to reflect back on everything that had happened to them in the last year or two. At the same time it seemed like each trial simply glued Taehyung and Clara closer to each other until it was impossible to imagine how they ever survived apart.

They were rolling into the final two weeks of the tour, beginning to think more about what life would be like when they returned to Korea and how they might start over fresh in a new house after a long vacation. Clara was more than ready to have her own space back that wasn't constantly changing and where she wasn't woken by knocks on the door at all hours of the night. She would get Taehyung just to herself and the boys, and that was what she was really looking forward to the most.