French Cup: A Neighborhood Story

Chapter 57: -Kazuya- Chocolate Puzzle Piece

Behind me, little thock noises kept coming timidly. Cautious, unsure. Just like he'd looked yesterday evening at Nikki's place. 

Thock. The sound of the butcher knife biting into a baker's chocolate block and pressing too hard, the knife hitting the metal counter suddenly. The breaking chocolate separating under his blade to his surprised hand. Press gently. It won't be so jarring. Gentle. You'll see.

My fingers plucked the mint leaves from their stems, never perfect, but it didn't have to be. This chocolate and these mint leaves were the ingredients for my mint hot chocolate. He'd been waiting for me when I'd come to French Cup in the darkness. He was cold and wrapped up in his scarf, but it wasn't enough. It was bitterly cold. How long had he been out there? He wouldn't tell me, avoiding the subject. 

Thock.

He had the same look in his eyes from yesterday. I'd been drunk, but I saw it. Everyone was joking with him, but he wasn't taking it as a joke. That worry, almost a despairing in his eyes. It was the same one I'd seen when he'd came out to me. That sadness, crying in the snow like a lost little boy. Holding onto me desperately, like I was the only one in the world who understood. Maybe, in the middle of everyone laughing, I was the only one who'd understood. 

Thock.

He'd seemed to enjoy being in drag with us yesterday. Being with all the kids. I'd watched him draw on cookies for them. He'd been smiling the whole time, a kind of smile that I hadn't seen before on him. This contentment, the exact opposite of what I'd seen at Nikki's apartment. The opposite of that crying boy in the snow. 

Nikki had been talking about finding who he is in drag. Rambling on about clowns. But, something in it must have disturbed him. Caused that look. What was it?

Thock.

Or was it the teasing? It had been his first time in drag, after all. But, if I really thought about it, had he ever done anything like that before? I was the first one he'd ever come out to. As far as I knew, he hadn't come out to anyone else. Had he? Nikki and Hanako definitely didn't know. There are drag queens who are straight, so to Nikki and Hanako it wasn't a big deal. Judging from their joking, they didn't consider him to be a drag queen. But, did he want to be? From his smile yesterday with the kids...

Thock. 

What would that be like? He was so new to all of this. I definitely wasn't judging him. He didn't deserve to be judged. 

"Mm-blerghhhh!"

My mint leaves fell from my hands onto the counter as my head whipped to him. I almost fell over in trying to see him. "Are you okay?! Did you get cut?!" I gasped. Oh, but my eyes softened. His childish face.

He was sitting at my work table, cut chocolate in uneven pieces in front of him. His hand was hovering near his mouth, his lips all of the way into inside. His dimples were so deep, making me blush. His eyes were tightly closed. He was frozen, but smiling. Thank goodness he was smiling.

"I ate it," he groaned, but it turned into a laugh. What a wonderful laugh. I found myself smiling, too. 

He was okay. From this, was he okay? That sadness I'd seen yesterday. Him standing there in the cold today, waiting for me. No offer of explanation, just wanting to help me prepare our products for the day. Any way he could help, he'd wanted to do it. His sad face, no matter what I did. My own despairing feeling, wanting to help him, but not being able to figure out how.

My hand went toward him in my rush to help him, even so. "You ate it? It's baker's chocolate!"

"What? Blehh... What's baker's chocolate?"