French Cup: A Neighborhood Story

Chapter 98: -Kazuya- Chocolate

I hadn't known where we were going or what my direction was. Pulling him to the familiar, but it was so foreign now. Dark and cold. But, with every thought about French Cup the tighter I held his hand. Wanting to free him from the other side, so he wouldn't have to go back there and defend them. 

Even his sympathy for that woman, for her boys, was the wrong choice. I could understand where he was coming from. Anyone would feel bad for them, to a point. Until you remembered what they did. We were all victims, but to what? That's where the true anger was. Not being able to place blame. 

I didn't know how to get him to see that. Was he ready to? He'd been around those people every day. To an extent, he'd grown up in their world. That much I'd learned. He was from the wrong side, but he was on our side. He belonged with us. I didn't want him to spend another minute in that hotel. He didn't want to either, hadn't that been what he'd been telling me? Did I know him well enough to understand that, or had I misinterpreted? We had such differing opinions on that woman and her sons. 

We were coming up the street to my apartment now. He'd followed behind me the whole long way, not saying a word. Maybe trusting me, maybe being confused, maybe both. I hadn't said a further word. Just my determination to get him out of that place, but the more this long walk gave me time to think, that determination was fading. 

Suddenly, I stopped in the middle of the sidewalk and he stopped with me. After a moment of silence, he squeezed my hand. The only warmth in this cold night.

"Kazuya." Breaking the silence. His gentle voice. Not accusing. Not questioning. Sympathetic, worried. I turned to him finally. Realizing I'd been scared to see his face in case he disagreed. But, there was nothing in his voice which told me that. I'd been wrong in that part at least. There was such little relief, though. 

"Yes." Being gentle with him. Showing my vulnerability that I'd been trying to hide all day to Nikki and everybody. All that anger, my own façade. Trying to match them, just like I was trying to do with Gyeong-Wan now. I was so lost. 

The streetlights were making everything a dark blue. Making everything seem colder. I hadn't even looked up at the sky tonight. Was it cloudy or clear? I'd been so in my thoughts, that I hadn't stopped to even look. 

His gloved hand cupped my cheek, gently raising my face to look at him. Even though I was being vulnerable, I still hadn't looked at his face. Worried still. But, what met me was just himself. Just as always. Nothing to be afraid of. Those kind eyes. 

He shook his head slightly. Fear that he wouldn't talk anymore. I wanted to know his opinion. Desperate now. Wanting to hear his voice. His familiar comfort to me. 

"I don't want to go back to the hotel, either. I wanted to find you. I called you, but you didn't pick up. I figured you were busy and... Um..."

I got closer to him. Our bodies touched, and my arms went around him. My head found a good spot, between his neck and collarbone. Nestling there, his beautiful warmth as I'd longed for. I'd hugged him just this morning, but it felt like a lifetime ago. So much had happened. Way too much. 

He swallowed. I felt every bit of it. "I was worried about you," he went on. "After this morning... I saw you walk away, and I didn't want you to... To be honest, I did something today. I don't regret it, but I had to do something. And honestly... It might be that I can't go back there. I don't know yet. So, if you don't want me to go back there..."

My head separated from its comforting spot. A crease between my brows. What was he saying? We were in a pool of light from the streetlight, almost like a perfectly placed spotlight, so I could see him in full. His tranquil expression despite what he was saying and how he was saying it. His hand started rubbing my back as if to warm me, always concerned even though he was saying this concerning thing.