French Cup: A Neighborhood Story

Chapter 84: -Kazuya- Aquarium

An unusually warm January day. Ice melting into slush. Wet streets. Walking with my feet dragging. The sun was telling me it was wrong, coming to French Cup this late. I hadn't come when I was supposed to. There were no pastries ready. No cakes. Despite the warmth, I shivered in my coat. 

The familiar street. The park across it. There were no cats there, almost as if they'd heard or witnessed the explosion, too, and were now scared. My head quickly turned away. Wanting to see a ball of a cat over there. Some small comfort. Dashed away. 

I tugged my coat's collar up near my ears as I entered. The familiar bell chimed cheerily, but there wasn't anything there. Nikki wasn't behind the counter. Of course there were no customers, because no one had opened our shop today. The sign on the door remained in "Closed" position. There wasn't anything to serve. I didn't feel like talking to anyone, either. As if anyone would come, anyway. 

We'd been all over the news. Everyone had to know about it. I didn't blame them if they didn't want to come. There were warnings at the edges of my psyche. If it happened again. Don't come, because it might happen again. Everybody- Trying not to think about it.

Even though it happened yesterday, it was a surreality. An alternate universe. A before and after. Seeing nothing in our showcase. No coffee brewing behind the counter. Our little espresso machine off. It was empty. Like it was abandoned. An abandoned feeling. So lonely.

The kitchen door swung behind me, and the surfaces were clean in here. The people last night had even cleaned in here, though it hadn't been affected much. There was still a smell of burning, though. It wasn't as easy to air out the kitchen. It made me want to run out of here. Why had I come here? Some sense of duty. Maybe. My throat began to close up. Choking, like yesterday. My eyes filled up, overflowing, but I didn't wipe it away. Letting it free flow. Not caring. No one was going to see me. No one would blame me. 

I opened the fridge. There were still so many boxes of food in there. We should have asked those nice people to throw them away, or maybe take them for themselves. Yes, that would have been the best use. Some kind of thank you. But, now they'd go to waste, too. We always made too much, so some of the food would go to waste. It was like any other year, for these boxes... But... 

On the lowest shelf there was something I hadn't forgotten. In a small, yellow Tupperware. It reminded me of a lonely kitten, waiting for its purpose. Waiting to be picked up and enjoyed. I picked up the small container now. Giving it a shake for good measure, what he'd want me to do. It had been in the refrigerator for many hours now. He'd told me they needed to soak for more hours, but had it been too long? Was I too late? Tears flowed again, hugging the little container to my chest. 

His honey cookies. Wanting to rescue them. Something useful I could do. Maybe they'd make him happier, somehow. Or maybe they'd just be a terrible reminder. A brief image of that woman yesterday, her arms angry and red, free of flesh. The news had said she'd received second degree burns, but they couldn't have been. Not from what I'd seen.

Hugging the yellow container. The images of everyone. Ayane limping, holding onto me. How warm she was. Hiran telling her it was just a little further, that we were almost there. Seeing everyone's scared faces every time I led someone new out. Being numb, trying to figure it out. Yuko... Her blank face, like she wasn't seeing the world. 

Holding this yellow container. Her sugar animals. Her smile as she made a cat one. Pulling out the paw from the raw ball, making magic out of a ball of sugar. Pure magic. Feeling like a child. Smiling with her. Her blank face. Her mouth open. Her heart...

I sniffled hard, hugging the container anew. My chin dipping down, sounds coming from me that I didn't recognize. Like a strange laughing, deep gulps of air. It wasn't laughing. It was sobbing. Long, drawn out breaths. Gasping for air, just like yesterday. Mourning it all. Mourning all of them. All of our smiles.