French Cup: A Neighborhood Story

Chapter 115: -Kazuya- Pink Shirt

Surreality was setting in, as if it weren't already here. Trying to focus on reality, but this was my reality. Buttoning up the seventh shirt I'd tried on in this fancy men's fashion store, but being unsure of the color. Blue, green, black. The colors of bruises. Purple was even worse. Reminding me of bad things that I didn't want to remember. I didn't want to associate them with this.

Today had been a new day, despite the joy of last night. It had been a whirlwind, catching Minoru just like last week and getting him to use his contact list and delivery methods to get the word out about the dance. So last minute, but so had our community meeting that had turned into the protest that had led us here. So many people had shown up, so maybe there was a chance it could be like that again. How excited Minoru had looked, how fast he'd run out of the door of French Cup. How obsessed he'd been for the cause.

I'd been so excited I'd felt a pain under my rib, a stitch in my side. Moving too fast. Holding it tight with my hand as I breathed, smiling at the door as it swung closed. Behind me, Ayane, Nikki, and Miyuki had been chattering about the dance. Everyone had been talking about it all day. The main question was of it being real. Gyeong-Wan had assured us that it was absolutely real. They were making preparations as we spoke about it. That just made the excitement go to fever pitch.

Miyuki had started talking about clothes again. So concerned about what she'd wear. She had a sample dress that would be perfect, but she had to finish it so it would be a complete dress. She'd flown out of the door at that thought. It left Nikki and Ayane, and Ayane went on and on about her date, who was Hiran because they're both single and older and therefore comrades in arms. Nikki just fell upon the counter in despair, because he still didn't have a date. If even Ayane, terminally single Ayane, had a date, then how was he ever going to find one?

I'd been laughing at this exchange, but it occurred to me that I was missing something very important, and it was a lovely problem to have. Nikki had said I shot up like an exclamation point at that moment, freaking him out. I didn't care. 

I'd run out of the door, needing to go to the nearest men's clothing store. And not just any men's clothing store. It had to be a fancy one, and I had no idea where one might be. 

Eventually, I found this shop. How formal the dance was supposed to be I didn't know, but there was no way I'd be unprepared. It made me think of Gyeong-Wan. The kinds of suits he owned. Those sorts of colors. The formality of his suits. The ties he always wore.

But the more I tried on shirts and thought of color coordinations, the more I paused at my buttons. My fingers just would not go up them like spider easily creating her web. Staring at these dark colors. 

A phone conversion started up in my brain. One from not long ago, but it seemed so long ago. Gyeong-Wan, not wanting to wear those dark colors. Feeling trapped in them. They made him not able to be himself. How sad they made him feel. How he hesitated to try the real colors he wanted. These colors he admired, telling me all about the pastel colors that I wore all the time.

A pink shirt. He'd told me that when we were on the phone. This color, one he was so scared to wear. Saying everyone in his life would mock him for it. They'd think less of him. How much he admired this color. That he wasn't brave enough to wear it. That this color equaled freedom for him. And yet, I wore colors like that every day. 

I'd been wearing a pink beret on the first day I'd met him. Putting two and two together. How brave he thought this color was. To wear this color. And yet, he'd met me when I was wearing it. 

I left my shirt open and began taking off these clothes that I was trying on in the changing room. Folding them carefully on the bench. Hanging the ones that had been on hangers. Respecting the workers who'd have to put them away. Equally as carefully, I put on my own clothes. Preparing to go out there.