Kill You

31~ Dinner and Delilah

I groan as I pat my slightly bloated stomach. I've already unbuttoned my shorts and the t-shirt I wore is stretched out over my very full stomach.

Noah sits across from the small dining table and chuckles deeply. "Can I call you a hermoso cerdito or no?" I gasp and throw the dish rag that was on the table at him.

"I'm not a pig" I scowl at him. "No but you are beautiful" he grins at himself and collects the plates from the table. I watch as he carries them back to the kitchen. I'm about to ask if he wants help when he tells me, "Go shower, I'll clean up, and then we can talk"

I gulp and then practically roll out of the chair and into the shower.

My heart begins to race as I wash my hair, thinking about how I'm going to have to bring up my beloved, lost sister.

I take my time in the shower and then when I change into pajama shorts and a t-shirt. I quickly dry my hair though and then head into the bedroom.

Noah is laying on his back on the bed, his arm draped over his face. For a moment I hope he's asleep so I can have another night without bringing up what I feel are my sins.

But no, he stirs when he hears my bare feet pad across the walnut wood floors to the laundry basket.

He sits up on his elbows and smiles softly. "Took you quite a while darling" he says. I shrug and bend down to pet Judge, who wags his tail happily at me, before heading to the bed. I lay beside Noah and sigh, closing my eyes when he wraps an arm around my waist, pulling me closer. He tucks his other arm under his head as a sort of pillow. We're silent for a minute before he speaks.

"Why didn't you tell me about her?" He whispers. I shiver and open my eyes to look at him.

"Because... because she hurts to remember" I say.

Noah presses his forehead against mine and takes a deep breath with me. "It's okay to hurt. It's alright" His words make me want to talk and finally let everything out. And so I do. Closing my eyes, I talk.

"My mom, Delilah, and I were at this sort of mall. It was summer before she was starting kindergarten and she wanted to go get ice cream to celebrate. We had some left over change and she saw these two friends toss pennies in the pool and wanted me to do it with her."

I took another deep breath before continuing, not opening my eyes.

"She ran ahead and my mom collapsed. I was focused on waking her back up from f-fainting"

My voice chokes and I have to swallow a lump in my throat before saying anything else.

"Delilah tripped and fell into the fountain... everyone was helping me no one could hear or see her..."

The tears start to flow and I shut my eyes tighter, trying to hide my pain somehow. I take another deep breath to calm down. After a minute or so I speak again.

"She was in there for too long before we realized... she had died. My mom was diagnosed with cancer and she died months later, too weak from Delilah's death to fight the chemo. My dad, as you know, took his anger out on me. But he was sly about where he hit me so he was never caught. I was too depressed to say anything. Obviously you know I ran away after High School and met Luke. And on one of his missions he died and my dad came back to get me. When I refused to leave with him he knocked, me out, tied me to a chair, and choked me out"

I finally open my eyes and wrap my fingers gently around my neck, remembering the feeling of losing my breath.

"And the soldiers showed up just in time. And got him off you right?" Noah asks. I hesitate. No one has ever been told what actually happened that night. But I feel like if anyone were to understand, it would be Noah.

"Not exactly..." I say. Noah gives me a confused look. "I... I thought I was going to die... I-I... stabbed him"

Noah let's out a shaky breath and stares into my eyes.

"The soldiers said it was fine, I was defending myself... but deep down I knew I had killed a man. I had killed my father, I had killed Delilah... and that killed my mother. I killed my whole family"

I sob then, awful, wretched, sobs. Noah held me tightly as I cried, and I didn't stop until I couldn't even see Noah in the dark.

Finally I've stopped shedding tears and was simply shaking in his arms. "You never did that my love... it wasn't your fault darling I promise"

Noah moves my face away from his chest and cups my cheek, tucking my damp hair behind my ear. I close my eyes, feeling his warm hand on my skin. I sniffle and shake my head.

"Then why, even years later, do I feel like everything is my fault" I whisper. Noah kisses my forehead before pressing his against mine. "Because you lost your whole family so quickly. You even lost Luke. Don't you dare blame yourself for Delilah. If you really think about it, your mom might have died anyways and left you and her to deal with your father"

I think about his words and let them sink in. I understand it, but the guilt still resides. "I don't want to be a killer" I whimper. Noah tilts his head to look into my eyes better.

"Who said-" I cut him off. "The job. Someone is going to show up soon and we don't have a living. We only have each other and the stupid deal with the Walks."

Noah nods once and leans in closer to me. "We don't have to take the job. Maybe we stay on this island forever and catch fish an sell them like Tom" he chuckles. I laugh softly with him. But after a few placid moments of quiet I ask a question.

"But is that what we want?"

Noah rubs his growing stuble against my hairline and sighs.

"No. But right now we don't know what we want, do we?"

I yawn and snuggle my face closer to his chest. "I want to go to bed" I admit. Noah chuckles and runs his hand through my hair before kissing my forehead and wrapping his arm around me.

"Okay"