this is me trying: taylor swift + joe alwyn

sixteen

The next morning, I woke up the same way I used to wake up every morning, with my head on Joe's chest.

"Good morning Tay." Joe said softly.

I very quickly sat up and gave him a 'what the hell' look.

"I promise I didn't move you onto me or anything I just-... woke up and you were there."

I took a deep breath, knowing he was right. He wouldn't ever purposely move my body on top of his, then again, I also thought he wouldn't ever cheat on me.

"I um-... I think you should sleep somewhere else." I said, looking Joe directly in the eyes.

"Taylor I promise I didn't move-

"I know you didn't Joe. I must've just... moved there in my sleep out of habit. But I can't do that... I can't do-... this. This sleeping in the same bed thing isn't going to work. Sorry." I said as I pulled the blanket further over my body, covering it as much as I could.

Joe started to nod, "okay, that makes sense. I'll um-... I'll go now then... I guess." Joe got out of bed and threw on a shirt, then grabbed his phone and dragged his still fully packed suitcase with him to the guest bedroom that was just down the hall.

A very small part of me felt bad for doing this, but most of me knew it was the right decision. It hurt too much to see him right now. He usually made me feel so full of energy, and like I was really worth something. But now that he has done this, I felt worthless again.

I didn't like the fact that I was basing my worth off a guy, but I couldn't help it. Joe made me feel like I was the only girl in the world. He made me feel like I had a reason to keep going, a reason to stay here on Earth. He made me happy even when I was having the worst day. This right now was the only thing he couldn't fix. He couldn't just say sorry and expect me to move on. I don't think I'm ever going to move on from this, maybe over time it'll get easier, but he can't go back in time and change the past, so the fact that he had sex with someone else will always be in the back of my mind.

No matter how much he does to try to make it up to me, nothing can change what he did. Nothing.

I tapped my phone to check the time - it was only 8am. Considering we didn't even get home until almost 4am last night, I was definitely ready to go back to bed.

I laid down and pulled the blanket over myself, then before I knew it, I was asleep.

Joe's POV

I had no idea what to do. Taylor tried to let me sleep in the same bed as her but realised she couldn't do it just yet, which I do understand, but it's hard not being with her. It's hard to lay in another bed without her- how drunk me managed to go and have sex with someone I can't even remember the name of is completely beyond me.

I've decided I'm never drinking again. At least not enough to ever get drunk again. Because if I do stupid things like this when I'm drunk, I just- I can't do that again.

My mind was spinning too fast I couldn't sleep. Even though I'd only had about 4 hours sleep, if that, I decided to get out of bed and make breakfast for Taylor and I.

I know breakfast isn't going to make her forgive me, but maybe it would be one step closer to making sure she knows how much I love her.

Thanks to me, her self esteem is probably at an all time low right now, which I know is something that triggers her bad eating habits. I really don't want to let her slip back into a cycle of starving herself, eating something small, then throwing it up. So, that's why I'm making her breakfast. If I can make sure she eats three meals a day, hopefully she won't go back into those habits.