this is me trying: taylor swift + joe alwyn

twenty eight

January 13th, 2024

I was having pretty consistent contractions for the next few hours. 2-3 minutes apart and roughly 60 seconds long. Some were longer, closer to 90 seconds, but that had only happened a few times so far. The doctor came to check on my progress every now and then, but most of the time it was just Joe and I.

"So how much longer do you think it'll be?" Joe asked as he grabbed a bag of peanuts from one of the many bags we brought.

"You're seriously eating right now?!"

"Oh- uh... I'm sorry...?" Joe said, closing the bag and getting up to put it away.

I scoffed at him and rolled my eyes. Why is he so inconsiderate?

"Do you want some...?" Joe hesitantly offered me the bag when he saw me roll my eyes at him.

"No! I don't want any fucking peanuts!"

"Okay..." Joe said timidly as he put the peanuts away and came to sit back down on the chair next to me. "Did I do something Tay?" He asked.

I thought for a moment, and he really didn't do anything at all. I don't even know why I'm annoyed with him.

"No... you didn't... I'm sorry." I said as tears welled in my eyes.

"It's okay, I know your hormones are all over the place and you're in a lot of pain right now." Joe gave me a small smile as he rubbed his thumb on the back of my hand.

"Speaking of... I'm about to get another contraction but it helps a little when I'm walking around so... could you maybe help me up?" I asked, feeling the pressure start to get stronger which meant it would start soon.

"Of course." Joe smiled. Holding my hands, he pulled me up from the bed and didn't let go until I had fully found my balance.

As expected, a few seconds later an excruciating pain took over my body. I leaned my head down so that my forehead was resting on Joes shoulder, then wrapped my arms around his neck.

This was awful. Every second of it was awful. I felt physically sick from this pain.

"Try and follow my breathing okay?" Joe said calmly as he started doing one of the breathing exercises we learnt. I'm surprised he remembered any to be honest.

I tried my hardest to follow his instructions. I breathed very deeply at the same times he did. I'm not convinced breathing differently can actually help with the pain of contractions though, because I certainly didn't seem to notice a difference. Maybe the idea is that it's supposed to make you focus on breathing instead of the pain? But that wasn't working either. No stupid breathing exercises have helped yet so I think I need a new way of going about this.

"How are you guys doing in here?" Dr Alexander asked as she walked in.

"Pretty terrible." I said under my breath, still trying to get through the contraction.

"Well I come with good news! Based on everything so far and how you've been progressing, I'd say you'll be ready to push in under an hour." She smiled, knowing I'd be very happy to hear that.

"Really?!" I exclaimed as the contraction ended.

"Really! Do you mind if I check how dilated you are now?" She asked as she put on a pair of gloves.

"Please do." I said with a smile.

I laid back down so that she could check. I must be close now. There's no way I'm having contractions this bad if I'm not at least 9cm.

"You're at 9cm! Definitely not long to go now." She smiled, "I'm going to go get the nurse, and we'll start prepping everything for delivery." She said as she left the room.