this is me trying: taylor swift + joe alwyn

twenty three

Friday July 7th, 2023

A lot had happened today. First, at the second it turned to midnight, I finally got to release my version of 'Speak Now'. I know a lot of my fans have been speculating that this was coming, so I was very excited to be able to share it with them. My original plan was to announce it on the 5th of May, night one in Nashville on the tour, but obviously that didn't end up happening, so I pulled a folklore with it. I announced it yesterday and released it today. It made a lot of people go insane, I just hope they like it.

Another thing that happened today, we told Joe's family about the baby. They were all absolutely over the moon excited. I was a little nervous about telling them- actually I was a lot nervous. I had a full on anxiety attack right before we called them. Like a couldn't breathe, could barely stand, anxiety attack. This kind of thing hadn't happened in a long time. I used to get anxiety attacks pretty frequently, but I took medication for it and it helped a lot, so I stopped taking it. Joe thinks I should go back on it but I don't think it's necessary. Anyway, turns out I had nothing to worry about because Joe's entire family was very excited.

Joe and I planned on getting started on the baby's room today. I know it still seems too early for that sort of thing, but we were both way too excited. The baby would also obviously be sleeping in our room at the start, at least for the first few weeks, so it's not like we needed to get this done right away, but we wanted to.

"Alright, I think we put the crib there against that wall, the changing table there, and then we'll get some form of really comfy rocking chair that can go in that corner." Joe said as he pointed to different spots in the nearly empty room.

"No the crib can't go there cause the sun rises through that window so there'll be sun in the baby's eyes." I pointed out.

"Ohh that's good point, what do you suggest then?" Joe asked, clearly thinking very hard about different possible layouts.

"The crib goes there, changing table against that wall, and the chair in that corner. That also leaves space for a dresser against this wall." My fingers darted around the room, pointing to my idea of where all the furniture would go.

I looked over at Joe, who was just staring at me straight in the face.

"What are you looking at?" I questioned.

"You're incredible." Joe smiled, as he pulled me in and kissed the top of my head.

""Why? Cause I know where to put some furniture?" I laughed, laying my head onto Joe's chest.

"More then that. You just seem to know everything." Joe said.

"I definitely don't agree with that... I don't know anywhere near as much about babies that I want to know. Like if the baby was born right here right now, I'd have no idea what to do with it." I sighed, feeling a small amount of anxiety starting to rise in me. I really knew nothing about babies. Like how often do you feed them? How do you know if they're hungry or full? How do you know if they're warm enough?

After these thoughts started, they wouldn't stop. A million questions I didn't have the answers to flooded my brain. How do you even hold a newborn baby? I have held newborns before but it's scary, they're so tiny. My breathing started to speed up the more questions filled my head.

"Hey, take a deep breath. And the baby won't be born right here right now. We've still got just under 7 months to learn all the ins and outs of taking care of a baby. And even in that time I'm sure we won't know nearly everything. Most people say, you learn from experience. So when this baby comes we'll both be learning new things every single day. I feel like I've gone on a bit of a tangent now.... but my point is that it's not possible to learn everything about babies before you have one, it just has to be taken one day at a time, and it'll be hard at the start but I think we'll get used to it pretty quickly."