this is me trying: taylor swift + joe alwyn

thirty

My eyes fluttered open, and I instantly felt soreness overtake my body. The adrenaline rush was over now, so I was really starting to feel all the pain.

"Hey love, I was actually just about to wake you. Someone's getting hungry." Joe smiled as I slowly sat myself up.

"Well your boobs aren't going to be much help with that." I laughed as I reached my arms out to take Ollie.

I placed him onto my chest and tried my best to get him to latch, but he didn't seem to want to, so I just continued trying. Joe said the doctor came back in while I was asleep and explained a few things about breastfeeding and newborns in general to him.

I'm a little upset that I missed the whole newborn information chat, but I did need that nap, and Joe could just tell me everything they told him. Apparently if babies don't want to latch, you just kind of have to force them, then eventually they'll do it. So that's what I did, I (gently) forced him.

It took a little while, and my tired self got frustrated very easily, but eventually he latched on and started sucking away. 

"Hey have you told your mum he's born?" Joe asked.

"No I actually haven't yet. I think I want to surprise her though. Since she doesn't even know I went into labour I think I'm going to ask her to come to our house when we get home, and he'll just be there." I smiled. I know my mom will be so excited.

"That's an adorable idea. Also don't move, I want to take a photo of you."

Joe buried through our bags and found his phone, then took a photo of me with Ollie. He pointed the phone towards my face so I could see the photo, and I was not at all impressed.

"Oh my god... I can't believe I look like that right now." I said, wincing at the photo.

My hair was in a ridiculously messy bun on top of my head, and looked like it hadn't been washed for weeks. There were huge dark circles underneath my eyes. I did not look nice in any way, shape or form.

"You look cute." Joe smiled, turning his phone off and putting it away. I didn't agree with him but I was too exhausted to argue with him about that.

"Is he eating okay?" Joe questioned.

"Yeah he's doing a very good job." I smiled, watching him eat. "Also, can you help me get changed after he's done?"

"Of course I can, I'll grab your clothes now. Do you want sweatpants and a t-shirt?" Joe said, already searching through my bag.

"Yeah just make sure it's the nursing shirt, that'll be so much easier to feed him with, it means I don't have to take off my whole shirt every time I feed him."

About 40 minutes later he finished eating, roughly 20 minutes on each side. I burped him, which actually worked this time since he had eaten so much, and then placed him down into the bassinet that was next to my bed. He very quickly fell asleep which was good, that gave me time to get dressed.

Joe helped me get dressed, then helped calm me down when I saw myself in the bathroom mirror and realised I still looked 6 months pregnant. I know baby bumps don't go away instantly, but for some reason I didn't expect to still look so pregnant after giving birth.

Joe reassured me that my body was supposed to be like this, especially considering I gave birth only a few hours ago, which helped me to calm down a little.

"Why don't we go put Ollie into his going home outfit?" Joe suggested.

"Really already? Wont we need to change it before we leave anyway?"