Together (Sequel of 'Broken Hearts')

Chapter 49: Ante

"Ante, 

If you're reading this letter, it means I'm gone. Radiation had been happening for a few weeks now but I don't think it's working. I can feel it. But I'm going to continue fighting. For me. For you. For us. Firstly, I want to thank you for everything you've been doing for me. Since the day we met, you've been nothing but attentive and caring about me. We had our ups and downs, sure, but we always had this special bond. I know this whole situation isn't easy for you but I also know you will continue to care about me like you always had done.

I know it will be hard for you once I'm gone. After spending so many years together, it must be strange to have the whole house to yourself and have no one else but you to worry about. But, please, take care of yourself now. Take a break, go visit Ethan or go on a trip with Imogen. Do things that make you happy. Take it a step at a time, I'm sure with time it will get easier.

You know I've never been a religious person but I've been thinking a lot about afterlife since I've been diagnosticed. I don't think there's a heaven or hell somewhere but I do believe that energy can't be destroyed. And I believe even stronger that one day we will be reunited. I don't know when or how but, deep down, I know it. We matched too well not to be reunited.

I love you. So, so much. Never forget that. 

With love,

Nazar"

I read this letter over and over. I was doing my best not to let tears fall on the paper, not wanting to erase the ink. Even sick, he thought about what would happen after and wrote me a letter. How could I live without him? He was gone less than two hours ago and I already missed him as if it had been years. Imogen was stroking my back gently, her head on my shoulder. I broke the embrace and got up to take the album he got me for Christmas. I sat on the floor, Imogen doing the same and opened it with shaking hands. Inside, tons of pictures of him and I through the years. A few pictures with Martial. A few with Imogen. And some, more recent, with Ethan.

"Stop... You're hurting yourself..." Imogen whispered but I ignored her.

I stopped on a picture of a young Nazar. He had a head full of blond hair and a bright smile which pierced the picture. I gently made the outline of his face with my finger. He had always been gorgeous but even more so on this picture. It had been taken in the little studio at the back of the property where we used to live when Martial was still alive. We spent a big part of the day outside and I took it not too long after we came back to the studio. The light was perfect, coming right through the window to hit the sofa. I told him to sit right in the middle and snapped this picture.

"I should have been the one to die first..." I admitted, still looking at that picture. "I took so many drugs for years... I abused my body..."

"Cancer doesn't care about that.... You gave him the best. You should be proud of that." She said, hugging me again.

"I put so much money aside... I wanted him to have enough to keep the house and hire people to come take care of things he couldn't do..."

"You have time to think what to do with that money... You don't have to change your will today or tomorrow..."

♂+♂=♥

The funeral a few days later wasn't any easier. Imogen had stayed with me the whole time no matter how many times I told her she should go home. She helped me finalize the last details about the funeral; something I wouldn't have been capable to do on my own. And that I wasn't even planning to as she changed my plans by barging into the house. The funeral was in small committee with only Imogen, Chloe, Martha, Jonathan and Ethan. And I, obviously. He was going to rest in the cemetery next to Martial and seeing the coffin made me want to disappear.

The joy of seeing Ethan again was diminished by the pain and sorrow we were all feeling. Lots and lots of tears were shed that day and, once everyone had left, Imogen still refused to leave me alone. She was the only thing keeping me afloat through all of this and I couldn't thank her enough.

Slowly, days turned into weeks, weeks turned into months and months turned into years. With the help of Imogen, I set myself small goals to keep me going. It was hard. Some of them were easy to accomplish: finish the work I started with my current patients or be the man of honor at Imogen's wedding. Others took longer, like seeing Ethan graduate. I still kept touch with him but, as he grew up, it became less constant. He loved his adoptive parents and made tons of new friends at his new school. He excelled at maths and science. I never figured out if he still wanted to write that book he told us about when he was younger; I never asked. I didn't want him to feel bad or embarrassed, after all he was only a small child when he brought that idea.

Seeing him graduate made me really emotional. I was so proud of him and of how far he had come. I watched the ceremony from the back of the room with tears filled eyes. I knew Nazar would have loved being there for this moment; he would have been proud too. As I came back home that day, I crossed out the last event from my little list. I did it. I managed to survive long enough to accomplish all of the goals I wanted to. It took longer than I thought it would, twelve years exactly. Twelve years to cross out the last and most important event of my list: seeing him graduate. Twelve years that I spent feeling empty inside, pretending to be okay to the few people I was close with. I didn't want to worry them; there was nothing they could do to make things better. 

I walked slowly in every room, reminding myself the good old time: firstly with Martial, then only Nazar and I and then with Ethan. Everything was in order. I could leave in peace. Finally. A small smile appeared on my face as I took the pills I had kept hidden for all these years; no one would stop me today. I sat on my bed, reading one last time the will I had made a few years ago. My part of the office would go to Imogen, the house and half of the money would go to Ethan and the other half would go toward cancer's treatments researches. Perfect. I put it on the nightstand with another letter where I explained briefly why I had done that.

I swallowed the pills with some water and laid down on the bed, waiting for them to take effect. I closed my eyes and when I opened them a while later, everything was slightly blurry. My smile grew bigger when my eyes landed on the figure of Nazar as a teenager sitting at the end of the bed, looking in my direction with a smile on his face. He was just as beautiful as I remembered him.

"I've been waiting for you for so long..."

"A-Are you real?" I whispered, my lips barely moving.

"Do you want me to be?" He simply replied, his smile becoming wider. "Come with me." He added, stretching his hand.

I was sure I wouldn't be able to get up or held his hand but I was wrong. I got up easily, feeling light as air and his hand was firm into mine. Surprised, I turned around and found myself face to face with an older version of me, with short grey hair and his eyes half closed lying on the bed.

"What's going on?" 

"Don't be scared. Do you trust me?"

I looked at his smiling face, his eyes seemed so alive that I couldn't help but nod. "Of course I do. I've missed you so much. These years without you..."

"Let's not talk about that... Nothing will separate us anymore now..." He whispered, bringing me closer to him. "And look who was also waiting for you!" His hand stretched toward the direction of the bedroom's door. At first, I could only see a bright yellow light but, as I squinted my eyes, a silhouette became clearer. Martial! He looked exactly the same as he did when I first met him. I couldn't stop smiling. "Ready?"

I nodded and followed Nazar toward the light and Martial. As the three of us hugged, everything slowly turned black... 

END