After I dropped Luna with Chloe, I got ready for our dinner. It would be the first time in a long time that we would spend time with each other.
I felt so nauseous, probably because I was extremely nervous about it.
Was I ready to completely end it between us?
I looked at myself in the mirror, I was wearing a dress and I straightened my hair.
I don't know why, but I wanted to look cute for him.
There was a soft knock on my door. I quickly ran to the door and opened it. We stared in each other's eyes for a second. I could tell he was tired, his eyes betrayed how he was really feeling.
He definitely put effort in his outfit too. He was wearing a black shirt with his sleeves rolled up and black pants. It was my favourite outfit on him.
"You look beautiful" he smiled a little and I could feel my heart flutter a little. It was the first time in a while I felt this. "You look handsome as well. I like that shirt" I said as I grabbed my purse. "I know" he said as he leaned against the door. Oh fuck why was I so attracted to him, why did he put extra effort in this?
I thought we were gonna decide we needed to get a divorce but instead laying in his arms was all I wanted right now.
We went to a pretty fancy restaurant. He probably thought we would have some privacy here but I could feel a lot of eyes on us. He didn't seem to notice it, he probably was used to it already.
"How's Luna?" he asked as he put the menu down. "Good, Chloe is watching her tonight" he nodded and licked the corners of his lips as he looked at me.
No no no don't do that, don't make me wanna kiss you. "I think we should get a divorce" I blurted out. I could've slapped myself. Please say you don't want a divorce, please tell me you're not ready for that yet. Please don't listen to my dumb mouth. Please fight for me a little bit more.
"I expected that. If that's what you want then I'm not gonna fight that" No, please don't be a gentleman right now. Why couldn't I just tell him that I cried for days, why was I having so many doubts right now? "So do you want that too?" I asked and he immediately shook his head. "Not at all" he put his hand on mine and looked at me. "But I want you to be happy, even if its without me" he said. I looked at our hands. Did I really want this?
After dinner, we walked around a little but until we sat down on a little bench. His hand brushed against mine as he sat down next to me.
"Do you regret it?" I asked as I looked at him. "What?" He didn't even look at me. "I don't know" my voice shook. "Everything" he was quiet for a long moment. I opened my mouth to tell him to forget I asked, but just in that moment he finally said, "Just because we didn't work out doesn't mean you weren't the best thing that ever happened to me. Because you were" he looked at me and I looked at him.
"Yeah, you too" I mumbled softly as I put my head against his shoulder. He kissed the top of my head softly, just like he did many times before but this time it felt different.
It felt like this would be the last time and I wasn't ready to let go. I wanted to ask him to have one more night together, to just hold and kiss each other.
To taste each other one last time but it would be selfish. I couldn't drag him into this again because I knew he would say yes to all of that.
He walked me back to my hotel and we were standing in front of the door of my room. "Goodnight Skye" Just as he was about to turn around and walk away, I grabbed his arm. This time it wasn't to say goodbye to Luna, it was to say goodbye to him.
"Thank you Lando" I said softly. He titled his head a little. "What for?" I looked up and bit my lip. I was trying to hold back my tears. "For giving me the best years possible, for your love" I stumbled over my words and I couldn't hold back my tears anymore. "For everything" I whispered. He clenched his teeth, he was trying to hold back his tears as well.
He pulled me against his body and I let my head rest against his chest. His arms were wrapped around my body and in that moment I realized these were the arms I felt safest in.
I never experienced love like this. Why couldn't it be enough?
