𝘽𝙀𝙀 𝙃𝙐𝙈𝙈𝙄𝙉𝙂𝘽𝙄𝙍𝘿 | quacknap

Day two

In some ways, Quackity is beautiful. Not for his looks or his spread legs, but in the way his eyes light up when he's talking about something he's passionate about, and how he could talk about that thing for hours. Or in the way he rolls backward and forward on his feet whenever he's either excited or nervous, sometimes with no inbetween, sometimes both at once.

Sapnap fell for this beauty later than he is sometimes willing to admit. Once upon a time he had put Quackity in a box of stereotypes. His kisses had been quick and forced and his eyes had never lingered for longer than they had to, because he was terrified he may see what he was looking for.

On the day he finally let himself watch, let himself perceive, he found that he never wanted to look away, until he did, and looked back, and he was just as enamoured as the first time.

Quackity is beautiful in the way he laughs with his full chest, or his eyes crinkle when he smiles. And Sapnap may forever be in love with that beauty, with the naivety and the purity. But now there are daggers in golden smiles, and Sapnap would be repeating history to look past them again.

...

So why is he here?

That is the question, isn't it? Why did he leave the home he spent so long composing to rush into gold foraged from intelligence that was never his own? Why did he abandon what he swore to preserve on the pretence of saving another? Why did Sapnap come to Las Nevadas with no armour and a sword he left at the door?

The answer, when simplified, is easy; he was bored.

The monotony of his day to day life got to him, and so he rushed to luxury he knew he didn't need, because he knew that in some ways, it still needed him.

Loneliness is a slightly longer answer.

Sapnap has spent his entire life relying on others. To cook, to clean, to love. To give attention he may have deserved, but he never earnt. He knows how to return the favour, how to protect and communicate.

But he has never learnt how to be lonely. He never learnt how to wander with only his own shadow for company, to love unattended, to dance to no music. Sapnap, for all his talents, has no fucking clue how to be alone.

So when the realisation set into his skin that despite how many times his shadow stretched with the evening sun, no one would come; he went to someone instead.

It was selfish, there is no two ways about that, but Sapnap is nothing if not a fantasist. So he ignored his own self-regard and once again let himself repeat the motions of protecting and caring and loving.

Until the sun rose unto a new day. And no longer could the shadows disguise the selfishness underneath his actions.

Quackity unpicked his excuses easily—his story of Karl and his running away—he took in the words, and then tore out the pages, reading between every line without even looking. He understood without there even being an explanation as to why Sapnap came to him, and he understood that the main reason certainly wasn't to 'fix their relationship'.

And so, they argued.

Sapnap, for all his talents and flaws, knows how to communicate. He does not know how to debate.

Once upon a time, Quackity was beautiful and passionate, he worked hard for his relationship and loved as if it were the crutch holding him up on two feet. Therefore, Sapnap had loved the same in return.

Now, Quackity does not love.

But he is beautiful, he is passionate, and he is—in a twisted sense of the word—dangerous. Once upon a time, Sapnap had looked past the daggers in his teeth and the silver on his tongue, if only for the amor's that would slip through the gaps, for the sweet words and the need you's he soaked up without thinking twice.

Now, he only gets points he can't refute and words that make too much sense that he's almost bursting with the anger it brings him.

Sapnap had unconsciously sworn to himself through the guilt of his selfishness that he would make Quackity need him. That he would forge a love returned in full. That he could get someone to protect, to communicate, and to entertain his shadow.

But Quackity is refusing that utter bullshit.

And as much as Sapnap respects and adores him for it, because 'once upon a time' all he wanted was for his ducky to be happy and fulfilled: he now wonders where that leaves him.

So, ungenerously, Sapnap argues and fights back. He debates with points he doesn't support and yells words he doesn't believe. It's only when Quackity spits his first untrue fact of "you always loved Karl more than me" and Sapnap responds with the insecurity he has been casually ignoring in the shout "well, you never loved me at all!" that he understands how has let the instability fester for too long.

As soon as the words are yelled his face is conforming into one he knows Quackity won't be able to unpick, because he won't be looking for 'understanding' in it, and collapses back onto the couch by his feet.

They've been arguing for too long, and he comes back down to earth with a sore throat and hurt conscience. When did we become so damaged? he grimaces to himself, breathing heavily as he digs palms into burning eyes.

Don't cry, he reminds himself half-heartedly. Fuck, don't you dare cry.

Eventually, he glances up again, not remotely surprised to see a panting Quackity clenching his jaw. His expression screams how he isn't finished, how he needs to argue more with Sapnap to repent his own anger, but the resignation in both of their eyes is enough of a message for both to understand.

Quackity comes down from his high quicker than Sapnap did, and as soon as he catches his breath he's glaring with such pity Sapnap wants to stand up and either burn the man from his bones or bathe him in a fire of dangerously gentle warmth the other can revel in the power of.

The two are silently broken (together) for a moment, until Quackity takes a purposeful step forward, and murmurs the words "I loved you when you weren't falling to your knees around a man who insists he's an optimist and then favours bad memories over good ones."

Sapnap turns from their eye contact and exhales a shaky breath, while Quackity walks away.

1087 words.

I adore the writing in this chapter, but I realise it's quite confusing, so for those of u who need a summary:

Sapnap tries to explain that he came to find Quackity to try and rekindle their relationship with Karl, but instead he accidentally confesses that he came for his own selfish reasons (boredom, loneliness, etc) and then the two argue which leads to Quackity storming out. this is not explicitly said at any point and more implied, so don't worry if you didn't pick up on it :)

the poet in me came out in this chapter lol