Sander Sides Oneshots And Stuff (REQUESTS ARE OPEN)

Bubble Up (Creativitwins)

(More angst because angst is da best.

Tw: Depressing thoughts, yelling, swearing, smiling depression, and Remus because as usual I'm too lazy to list it out.

Human AU

Enjoy!)

(Remus Pov)

I keep hearing it in my mind.

It says different things, but it's always the same damn voice.

Say this. It says.

They're not your friend.

They don't like you.

Drink more alcohol, It says.

Have a few drugs, it's fine.

No one will care if you have some.

You're an idiot.

You don't know anything.

Don't talk to him, he'll hurt you.

You don't have a crush on Janus, he's just someone you met online.

Okay, you met him at school. DON'T FUCKING TALK TO HIM.

Why are you talking to him? Why are you such an idiot?!

Why the FUCK did you confess?

Asshole.

Why can't you do anything right?

Why can't you be like Roman?

Why are you such a failure in everything?

WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU?

THIS IS WHY EVERYONE HATES YOU!

I scream in anger, desperately trying to ignore the voices in my head.

THIS IS WHY YOU FAIL AT EVERYTHING!

THIS IS WHY YOU HAVE NO FRIENDS!

THIS IS WHY ROMAN HATES YOU!

I punch my wall repeatedly, trying to stop the voices. They grew louder and louder with each punch. Scared and exhausted, I banged my head on the wall. The voices subdued, somewhat, and so did my vision. I opened my eyes as I felt a warm liquid trickle down my head. I stuck out my tongue as the crimson liquid reached my mouth.

Blood. I looked at my wall, now having a patch of blood on it, slightly smeared but dripping.

I smiled.

I crouched down into a ball in the corner of my room, lightly crying, but smiling the whole time.

It's all your fault.

You're useless.

You're so dumb.

You can't do anything right.

You deserve this.

I deserve this.

I deserve this.

I heard my door burst open, my brother looking into my dark room.

I flinched, not because he's ever hurt me, but because his towering figure made me feel like what I was.

A tiny, dumb, weak, useless piece of shit.

He walked towards me, wide-eyed, crouching down when he reached me in a fetus position.

"I heard a scream, then some banging. Are you okay, Remus?

I chuckled.

"What's so funny?"

"Banging." (😏)

Roman rolled his eyes, then looked at my head.

"Why is your head bleeding? Why are you crying? Are you okay?"

"I'm fine, Ro."

"Blood is literally pouring down your head."

"It's not a big deal..."

"What is not a big deal?"

"I just got frustrated, it's completely fine." I smiled at him weakly, the corners of my lips twitching down even though I forced them up.

"Re, I know you better than anyone. You are my twin brother. Whoever hurt you, I will get vengeance."

"Ro, it's okay, I swear."

"Could you at least, tell me what's up? I've been worrying about you for a long time, then I see you like this, what's going on?"

For a few moments, no words were shared between us.

At last, I sighed.

"I-I don't think I can fucking do this anymore."

"What?"

"Existing. Why is it so hard? Why do I do everything wrong? Why does everyone hate me? It's not like there's some handbook to tell me how to get through life!"

"Re-"

"Why did God make me this way? I'm useless, rude, crazy, I like making dirty jokes, I don't have any goddam friends, the one friend I did have, I told them I had a crush on them, and now they probably hate me, I can't do anything right, everyone hates me, even my own brother fucking hates me." I stared up to the heavens. "WHY, GOD WHY? WHAT DID I DO TO DESERVE THIS? ARE YOU HAPPY?!"

Emotions came bubbling up, while I desperately tried to suppress my tears, Roman was hugging me tightly.

"Then again, many people have it wayy worse." I said, half-heartedly laughing. "I'm sorry for being dramatic, Roman. Really sorry for annoying you. I'm not being sarcastic or anything."

"Re-"

"Please, go back to doing what you were doing earlier." I pushed him outside my door, then slammed it shut, slumping down the door to the floor, sobbing as quietly as I could, hoping Roman had left.

Why do my emotions keep fucking bubbling up?

(Ta daa! Apologies for all the swearing, the only time I won't censor swearing is for angst.

I think it just adds ✨️ t e x t u r e ✨️ to the story.

Anyways, I hope none of y'all go through smiling depression. From what I know of, it sucks. If y'all ever are feeling upset, my DMs on Wattpad are open.

Take it easy, patties!)