BECOMING

Chapter ////////////////////

For once I thought maybe it was my fault, just like I thought it was my fault with your dad.
He made me feel like I was a curse to my parents, made me believe no one wanted me,  I was constantly in need to be validated from others.
I did cry a lot, I just hid my tears.
You were glad to see my tears, am sorry you didn't get what you wanted.
Why did you acted like you were going to die when you already had a billionaire play boy waiting for you. You always acted innocent but you aren't.
When did I acted innocently, I had to grow up fast June, do you even know what it feels like not to have your parents at fourteen?
It was until he saw the pictures of your wedding he believes me when I told him about you having different men
Did you know why he married you because he was jealous of my achievement . Am done talking and I don't want to ever see you again. Leave my office.
Her jaw dropped , she was not expecting my reaction. She came with a purpose but she didn't get what she wanted from me. before I leave, my mom is around for her birthday, she wants you there.
She left with a sadness in her eyes.
After she left, I let out the tears in my eyes.  How could she be jealous of me?
It all came back to me how she likes it when ever I get her old thing, whenever her father hit me with his belt, how I covered for her about the money she stole. Her dad tie me to the  edge of the bed. I hit me with his belt, if not for mrs peter who came unexpectedly he would have kill me . running away to find my grandparents and them denying not knowing who I was.
How every time I got something new, how she always tried to take it or break it. It was all there . I didn't see it .
I remember her word she whispered to me at the courthouse, die bitch he is mine. No remorse what so ever. It was like I was seen another June.

The whole office became cold, I couldn't get warm enough , despite wearing my blazer over my dress shirt.
Pain twisted in my chest.  That made the whole office look dark and I collapse.

I woke up to see Nathan talking with doctor.
What going on?
Oh my God, are you okay.
Why are mine in the hospital, what happened?
Mrs black , you had a panic attack.
Panic attack. I was confused . How did I get here.
You were found by your boss, you don't remember? He called the ambulance and me.
I didn't remember.
Mrs black, have you ever had a panic attack before.
No doctor, this is my first time.
Something triggered it , you need to avoid it.
Doctor, can I go home today ?
Yes, you can. I will write you some pills and I will advise you see a therapist.
She is seeing some one doctor.
Who ,if I may asked or I can refer you to some one new
Dr Peterson.
She is good , I know her .
Thank you doctor.
After few minutes, I was discharged from the hospital. On our way home Nathan was restless.
You scared me amara. What happened?
June came to see me , she hated me Nathan, she will have killed me if she wasn't pregnant. How could she do this to me. I love her like my sister but she wanted to see me suffer, she hated everything about me .
I don't feel like going home, can you drop me here.
What amara, you are not over this guy and June.
I ignored Nathan and got out of the car.
I took a taxi to see Dr Peterson.

Dr Peterson office is soothing neutrals, it was both professional and comfortable.
Amara, I was surprised by your call, we didn't have any appointments today, she said as she welcome me to her office.
Thank you for seeing me doctor, I was just coming back from the hospital.
What happened , he began, settling into his chair across from my sofa I sat on.
I told her about June visit, the panic attack, how I told Nathan everything about me, my cousin approaching him.
Through it all, Dr Peterson listened attentively, took notes and spoke rarely , unit I purged everything.
Once I was quiet, he ask amara do you think your panic attack was cause by the thought of June might wanted to kill you.
I think so doctor?
it was not cause by her , it was cause by the memory you had to relive .

My suggestion," Dr Peterson said.  Would be good for you to take some time, amara, and be alone to really think about everything.
Take this journal and write all your thoughts in here as you be alone.

No phone Dr,
He nodded, after me and you can go over what you have written down.
When the hour ended and I was on my way out. I asked Dr Peterson does it think it was a nice idea for me to go see mrs peter.
I just wondered... I paused, to swallow the saliva in my throat. Can I go and see mrs peter . It her birthday this Friday.
Absolutely, it will be good to see her separately and thank her for everything and closed that chapter . I think it will help you in becoming who you want to be for the new chapter .
I shook her hands. Thank you.