BECOMING

CHAPTER /////////////////////

When I got home, I unlocked the door, Nathan was waiting for me. I went straight to the bathroom.
I went to shower,
Where did you go amara?
I told I need time alone for myself.
Time to think about that asshole.
Seriously Nathan , am tired and I just want to be alone.
Talk to me babe. You really do love that asshole.
Don't, my arms wrapped around my waist.
Don't what.
Am asking you do you still love him or not. It hard for me to think about you still having feeling for him.
You knew what you were getting at ?
I took the risk because I want to be with you.
I left the room.
Amara! Amara, damn it come back here. What 's wrong with you?
I walked faster,  I just want to shove the memories back in to deep, the helpless anger. I don't want to deflect the blame on him or lying about how I feel.
Like Dr Peterson said for me to get over everything, I have to face the hard truths, not denials and lie. I was face with the hard truths and I couldn't take it . Plus am scared that I might be in love with Nathan and he might not feel that way about me.
I ran out of the house, and I started walking towards the beach with no direction or destination in mind. It was dark out now.
With every step I took, the adrenaline from my flight burned away. I began to calm down and seriously thinking about everything and what just happened that made me leave the house.
  Heartsick, I sat down and watch the wave. I missed Nathan already, missed the playful Nathan. My eyes stung and I let few tears slide down my face.
I scream out  no more tears over June and Malik. Am leaving it out here.
From today onward I am a new person. You two have no power over me am done.
After yelling out for few minutes. I felt  my phone in my pocket . That when I noticed the twenty missed call from Nathan and a text. Don't break up with me. Talk to me please.
The tears welled again.  I was the one who usually send this text, now am the one getting it.
I was startled when my phone vibrate  against me. It was Nathan.  I couldn't ignored it, because he was clearly frantic. As much as I wanted to hurt him . I couldn't stand to do it now.
Hello. My voice didn't sound like mine, clogged as it was with tears and emotion.
Amara! Thank God, Nathan sounded anxious. Where are you?
Looking around ,I didn't see anything that would tell me where I was. I don't know.l... l'm sorry , Nathan.
No amara ,it my fault. I need to find you.
Did you walk?
Yes, I walked.
Okay, I will be right there.
He appeared, with his phone in his hand . I knew him immediately,  he was with Ed, got the plush blanket and use it to cover me.
How did you find me?
Find a friend app, he shoved his phone in his back pocket of his jeans.
God" he hugged me and buried his face on my neck. Amara.
I hugged him back.
Ed drove us back home , Nathan put me to bed and didn't say anything.
I grabbed his wrist,
Nathan press a kiss on my forehead .
Hold me please.
He came and sleep next to me. I was worried about you, it dangerous to be alone at the beach at night, something could have happened to you.
I'm sorry.
I cuddle up to him, I tossed one leg over his , wrapped an arm around his waist. Rested my cheeks over his heart. I don't remember the ending of the show, so I suppose I fell asleep before it was over.

I woke up around three in the morning, I wanted to piss , then Nathan was shifting restlessly, the sound he made was pain .
Get your fucking hands off my mother. He whispered harshly.

I froze, my heart racing. His words sliced through the dark , filled with fury.
You sick bastard." He writhed, his legs kicking at the cover.
I couldn't bear it.
Nathan. I knelt on my side of the bed and called his name. Nathan, wake up."
I spoke firmly, although my heart was breaking. Nathan you 're dreaming. Come back to me
Amara...? As he stood up.
I'm here. I hold him , places his head on my shoulder. Are you awake? It okay.
His breathing began to slow , but he didn't speak.
You okay? Did I? He asked gruffly.
I want you. I sucked gently on his salty skin.pushing him to back, I climbed over him and sealed my mouth over him. Rocking my hips until I could feel his erection. The feel of his hands in my hair. Holding me. Quickly made me wet and ready. I stroked my clit up and down his thick length using him to masturbate until he made a sounds of desire.
He push into me, using his hand on my hips to control my rhythm,
Amara, he breathed, I've never... Christ, you feel so good.
I tugged my lips down to his and kissed him. Me too.