𝐃𝐈𝐒𝐂𝐎𝐍𝐓𝐈𝐍𝐔𝐄𝐃 . electric love ⚡︎ - rannett modern au

9.

(A/N) THANK YOU FOR 55 VIEWS!! 💞

angst time!! (i suck at angst pls have mercy 🙏)

razor's pov.

After Fischl left last night, I ran to my room. I couldn't even sleep that well, I was up all night thinking about Bennett's conversation with her.

Fischl knew. She said it was obvious. Is it really that obvious? Do I really look at Bennett that way? This is.. so stupid. Does Bennett like me that way? I didn't hear everything.. but I heard a lot. Including the part where Bennett was denying liking me. Is it embarrassing to like me? Am I embarrassing? Do I embarrass people? It's all my fault. It's always my fault. I'm so stupid. No, stop. Stop, I can't cry. Bennett will here me. I don't want to be weak. Stop.

I tried stopping the tears, but the lump in my throat didn't disappear. Bennett is still sleeping.. I hope. I took deep breaths, trying to force the tears away, but it didn't work. I felt a warm tear roll down my cheek, Then I started crying, almost sobbing. My whole body was shaking. I hate this. I hate me. Bennett doesn't like me. I'm being stupid for liking my own bestfriend. I wish I wasn't here, maybe everything would be better. I brought my knees up to my chest, letting the tears fall. If Bennett was awake, he could definitely hear me now.

"please.. Bennett.." I let out a whisper, still crying.

As I was crying, I heard a knock at the door. Shit. please tell me I was imagining that. Please don't be Bennett.

I heard another knock on the door, "Razor..?" I heard Bennett behind the door, though his voice sounded softer.

I froze. Just pretend you're not there, he won't notice. But the tears didn't stop, he could definitely still hear me.

"Raz.." He sighed, "I know you're there, please let me in." I could hear the guilt in his voice.

I quickly wiped the tears from my face, plastering on a fake smile. "C- come in." My voice cracked.

I watched the door handle slowly open, and Bennett walked in. He looked into my eyes, he could definitely see I've been crying. He walked up and sat down gently next to me in bed.

"I heard you crying.. what's wrong?" Bennett frowned. It's my fault, now he thinks something is wrong.

I looked away from him, my eyes avoiding his. "It's nothing."

"That's not true. Tell me." I've never heard Bennett be so serious before, but I could tell he was still trying to be nice.

I didn't want him to worry about me. I don't want to be a burden. "I said it's nothing. Go away." I regretted the words as soon as they left my mouth.

"Please.. tell me." Bennett placed his hand on my shoulder, to which I tensed up.

I shook off his hand, "Leave me alone!" This time I yelled at him. I watched his eyes widen, then he stood up. I wanted to grab onto him and say everything was fine, but I couldn't. I froze in place.

"Okay. I'll see you later, then." His voice was full of guilt, and somewhat irritation.

I was this close to running up to him and giving him a hug, spilling everything out to him, telling him I loved him, but I stopped.

When he closed the door, I let out a loud sigh. I looked under my bed, grabbing a hoodie. It was Bennett's. I hid my face in it, stopping my tears. His hoodie smelled good. It smelled like him. When I took my face out of the hoodie, I realized I was crying again. Thankfully, silently this time. I crashed down onto my bed, holding onto Bennett's hoodie like it was everything. As I was crying, I smiled. I probably look insane.. but I couldn't stop the smile. Just thinking about Bennett made my heart flutter. But then I remembered what I did to him. I yelled at him. He probably hates me now. I need to get this off my mind. Act like everything is fine. I need someone to rant too. Chongyun and Xingqiu are busy.. who else? My mind came to Fischl. But I don't have her number. ..What about my moms? I opened my phone, scrolling to the group chat. 'I need to come visit.' that's all I said. I hope they say yes. I turned off my phone, staring into the black screen at my reflection. I looked like a mess. I zoned out, until my phone dinged. It was my moms.

'Come visit anytime, sweetheart!' The nickname made me smile lightly.

I jumped out of bed, throwing some atleast presentable clothes. I sneaked out from my room, hoping Bennett wasn't there. He wasn't. I heard the shower, so he was probably in there.

I grabbed my keys, closing the door as quietly as I could. I walked to my car, sighing as I turned it on.

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I arrived at the house, fighting a smile as I knocked on the door.

"Razor, darling! It's so great for you to visit." My mom, Lisa, answered the door, smiling widely.

I hugged her immediately. She seemed somewhat shocked, then hugged back, ruffling my hair.

"I missed you and ma.. both a lot." I then let go, looking behind her, "Where's ma?" I watched as she laughed lightly.

As if I called her, my second mom came up from behind. "So good to see you, dear." Ma put a hand on my shoulder, and it reminded me of Bennett.

Bennett..
I'm sorry.

"Razor? Are you okay?" My second mom, Jean, worryingly said.

I sighed, "I came to visit.. but I really need some advice, too."

My both moms looked at each other, smirking, "Is this about that Bennett boy?"

"What.. How did you- I mean- why would-" I waved my hands infront of my face.

Lisa chimed in, "Last time you visited, all you talked about was Bennett." She gave as an example, "It was all, 'Bennett this, Bennett that.' It was quite adorable, really."

"I guess.. but- I just need advice." I repeated.

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I found myself ranting my heart out to my moms, trying to push back tears, but they came out. They wrapped me in a hug, and told me it was going to be okay. I love them so much.

"I think.. you need to give Bennett some time. From what you told us, he definitely likes you, but he's unsure. Scared, maybe. He's scared you'll say no, and you're scared you'll push him away. Y'know.." Ma trailed off, "It was the same for me and your mom." She looked at mom, giving a loving smile.
I want to be like them with Bennett..

I yawned, then getting up slowly. "I really appreciate it.. I appreciate you guys, so much." I paused, trying to find the right words.

"It's okay, love. We know what you're trying to say." Mom pat my hair. "Now, you got this. Be confident, Razor. We love you." Both of my moms walked me out to my car, making sure I was okay. Then waving me goodbye, ma placed a kiss on mom's cheek.

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(A/N) SORRYYY I WOULD OF POSTED A NEW CHAPTER SOONER BUT I WAS A LIL BUSY TODAY!! also i suck at angst sorry 🙏 !! IF YOUR CONFUSED: ma = jean, mom = lisa
GUYS I DONT EVEN KNOW WHATS GOING ON WITH THIS BOOK I'M JUST MAKING IT ALONG AD I GO 😀