The Counselor | S. Aizawa

I

"she don't look at me like captain save em' "
—

NARRATOR

Getting pregnant wasn't on the top of your list at age twenty one. Like most you wanted to enjoy life and party but then what you thought to be the love of your life sweeps you off your feet.

It was rushed and everything moved faster then you thought. You obeyed though you did everything to keep you and yourself happy, at the time that's all that seemed to matter.

You were in your early thirties and now you wanted children. You got married at twenty three and thought it was be easy from there.

The movies, blogs and other women said it would be but those women were now all divorced. So were they really telling the truth? It didn't matter to you anymore you were seven years into your marriage you were secure, you made good money.

Both you and your husband were ready for more. You were secure in your job, so was he. All the boxes were checked so why was it hard to even have the conversation. It seemed like time stopped and all you could think about was, Is he ready? Is it too late? Am I too old? So many questions ran through your head but you remained calm as you usually did and got checked out. You were healthy and at a good age to have kids.

Everything was in place at least for you, you spoke to a counselor and your close friend and family. They all stood with you and supported whatever situation you made, you were happy you had people in your corner.

The only person you were forgetting to tell now was your current husband of seven years.

You were so sure that he would be in board. Nothing was stopping you from having kids, you wanted to be able to teach someone, care for someone, nurture someone other than your husband. You were ready for more and wanted more. You did everything you were supposed to do. So, why was it hard to even approach him.

There you were in your car, tears rolling down your face. Your heart being so fast you could hear it in your ears. You had no idea why you were crying but the feeling of being denied made you feel uncontrollable sadness.

The sun set and the sky was painted a beautiful ocean blue, as the sun set the orange hues set in and the clouds sifted as if they were closing the curtains on the sun.

It was gorgeous, the sun was setting and early and all the colors were coming together in unison. It was beautiful so why was today so bad?

You sighed and quickly prayed hoping he would agree and be happy. Any man would be lucky to have you. You're the whole package you have it all together. So what's not to like? Any man would kill to get you pregnant.

You got your own. You made sure to have money for yourself, you made sure to not to depend on any man. You were self sufficient, you made good money. You're stable and ready to bring another life into yours.

You weren't sure why it felt is hard to talk your husband, but something inside you continued to inset doubt and now you're crying in the parking lot of your job. Wondering why you felt you were being targeted everything felt like it was going wrong. Maybe it's not the right time? You thought sadly to yourself. But when is the right time? You continued to have an ongoing battle not sure what to do.

Everything felt raw and now you were sitting there undecided if you should tell him now or maybe wait when you're ovulating to tell him.

maybe that's better. you thought to yourself, as you took your right hand and stretched over to your page side opened up your glove compartment in search of napkins. You were happy you didn't have makeup on. It would dripped all over your new outfit you got for work.

While you liked your job, settling down seemed to be the next task of things to complete. While you would start lessening your case load you weren't sure on what to your boss but then again you are having a mental breakdown in your Mercedes. You were happy your windows were tinted. You knew this would be talked about at work if anyone ever saw you. While you had at least two problems to tackle in the future.

All you could do now was head home and cook while you're husband had two more hours until he came home. You needed the time you had left to think and find a way to break the news to him. Maybe even seeing his opinion on kids. To see where his minds takes him.

While it sucked you didn't have a mind reading work. This was the next best thing, so you cleaned yourself up flipping the sun beam back up and after closing the small compact mirror shut.

You got comfortable for the thirty minute drive home. You pressed down on the medium sized grey push to start button and your car roared to life. Automatically your seat adjusts itself to your liking and you pulled your phone from your cup holder. You turned to your apple music ignoring the messages and notifications you had. You set up your playlist and your favorite played. You turned up the volume to feel the base bump from behind you.

time to go home. you sighed.

—

welcome to the counselor. -A✨